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Chris,
You can easily find out WHO is clicking on the this is spam button. That's the whole purpose of the feedback loop. It's designed for you to identify which ones of your users are reporting the message as spam so that you can remove these users from future mailings and identify the source (how they got on your list) so you can avoid it in the future.
With every message AOL sends you, they hide the recipient emailaddress but they include an ID of the message from your mail server. Depending on the mail server software you use, you can easily pinpoint that message based on the unique message ID and identify who the target recipient was.
If you ignore those messages, AOL (and Yahoo and Hotmail) will quickly blacklist your IP address. Yahoo does it for undeliverables. In other words, if you ignore Yahoo's undeliverable messages and keep sending to these email-addresses, very quickly Yahoo will block messages coming from your IP address (without telling you about it) or automatically flagging them as spam.
We provide an API for bloggers and forum owners such as yourself, where instead of calling the local php mail() command, you call our API with the message from/to/subject/header/body. We transmit the message from our white-listed IP addresses certified by bonded sender and we handle all removes, undeliverables and spam complaints for you. We do have a plugin for vbulletin. The cost is one penny per email delivered. There is no cost for bouncebacks. Let me know if you're interested.
If it's above your budget, I would recommend installing a mail server that supports easy lookup of message from/to by message ID and manually removing users who report your messages as spam from your mailing list by taking them off the list.
PM me if you have any other specific questions and I'll be happy to help.
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