Conceptually good, but you need to learn how to write like a Journalist would, or it doesn't sound right to the person reading it.
You're better off if the text reads something like this:
Quote:
A man that was shot dead this morning in a grisly murder-suicide had a protection order out against his assailant, according to police.
Approximately 9:30am (EST) police received reports of shots being fired.
Police found two dead in a fourth floor office, along with a discharged firearm.
One man has been identified by family members as <shoemoney's real name>, the well known Internet Marketing guru "Shoemoney". The other man is believed to be Joe "Sundaybrew" <surname> (pictured).
<surname> is beleived to have been fixated with the online "Shoemoney" persona of <shoemoney's real name>, and was seen on the premises regularly, according to witness.
<shoemoney's surname> had taken out protection orders against <surname> on March 6th, after a domestic dispute, according to police.
"This is a terrible tragedy," said Mike Wallace, a worker in a neighbouring office "We'd heard them fighting before, but we didn't think <surname> would get violent about it."
The death of <shoemoney's surname> will come as a shock to the online community, as he was well known and respected for his various revenue generating programs.
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