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Old 06-27-2008, 12:26 AM   #23 (permalink)
rgordon83
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,087
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rgordon83 has a reputation beyond reputergordon83 has a reputation beyond reputergordon83 has a reputation beyond reputergordon83 has a reputation beyond reputergordon83 has a reputation beyond reputergordon83 has a reputation beyond reputergordon83 has a reputation beyond reputergordon83 has a reputation beyond reputergordon83 has a reputation beyond reputergordon83 has a reputation beyond reputergordon83 has a reputation beyond repute
First off, please hire a designer. Your sites look like scams. I would NEVER put my information is a site that looks like that (LP1)...

Also, for LP1, you have WAAAY too many "headlines" trying to grab my attention. And they all suck.
Copyblogger has some good headline writing tips:

13 Emotion-Based Headlines That Work | Copyblogger
Can You Write an (Almost) Unbelievable Headline? | Copyblogger
The Problem with Waffly Headlines | Copyblogger
http://www.copyblogger.com/are-you-w...hat-sell-stop/
http://www.copyblogger.com/five-comm...to-avoid-them/
Seal the Deal: 10 Tips for Writing the Ultimate Landing Page | Copyblogger

enjoy!
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