leadsupplier

I know this isn't the best place to ask about relationship advice, but at least most of you are in a more similar position to me than most ppl i know.

Back story:

My GF just got into grad school and we are supposed to live together. She calls me up today asking about how she thinks we're going to fight over stupid things when we live together. I tell her that the only time i'd ever argue with her is if i think she's slacking on her schoolwork and not trying as hard as she can. This led to an argument between us where she stated that "People are born smarter than other people" with which i countered "thats not true". Still she continued to tell me that it's "impossible" for her to do well on tests. While i believe it's something that can be fixed if she really tried hard enough.

Bottom line is that i think anyone can achieve anything no matter how smart/stupid they are as long as they are willing to work at it, and put their mind and dedication to it, especially something like grad school. But after this conversation with her, i now know that she does not share a similar view. This is a big deal for me.

So what does your GF or significant other do for a living, and what is their outlook on life and whats achievable? Are they similar to you? Do you not give a fuck what they think? Just looking to hear about other peoples situations.

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Hale.Pane

EskimosWife

I live of $$$ my ex makes from SEO Smart Start
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dsiomtw

Step 1 is to realize that you're 100% wrong about this.

You couldn't beat Roger Federer in tennis no matter how hard you tried or how many years you practiced. You simply weren't born with the skills he was born with.

I could give you 500 other examples...

shawnhag

wife runs the marketing department at a major corp headquarters so our conversations are always fueled by marketing etc.

regarding moving in, etc - i had a ton of "relationship problems" with exes all over the places but when you meet the right person you will know that moving in will not only be ok but very organic and fun as well...good luck brosef

Svengali

Mine makes sammiches.

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The further a society drifts from truth the more it will hate those who speak it.

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Moxie

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than_west

So you're dating a dumb bitch and want advice on how to change her?

leadsupplier

you missed my point where i said "Especially something like grad school". If you want to be extreme like your example i agree. But studying hard and learning material and concepts is something i think most people can really acheive, especially if it's something theyre interested in.



i'm fine w/ moving in, i just told her i'd have an issue if she was doing shitty in school and didn't give 110%, that led to the whole argument.

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dsiomtw

No, you missed the point. Some people are fucking stupid and have no common sense. This can't be taught or learned. You either have it or you don't. Some people are born to succeed, and others are born to lose at life. It's a fact.

cardine

The way I look at it your natural born intelligence is a ceiling. You can achieve up to that ceiling and how close you get to that ceiling depends on how hard you work, how dedicated you are, etc.

I think saying "I can't do well on tests" is a cop-out for most people; if you were smart enough to get into grad school you are probably smart enough to get through it with decent grades if you work hard at it. Now depending on how smart you are that might take you 1 hour/week of studying or 40 hours/week of studying.

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jonas33h

I don't think your goals/views have to align perfectly. For instance my wife is finishing up her degree to be a high school teacher (not a very ambitious career in my eyes), but that is what she wants. The reason why this isn't a problem for me is because of how she views money. . . .

She isn't the typical chick who says of course I bought clothes it was on sale how can you pass up a good deal. In other words she realizes that there is work and time that goes into acquiring money.

Second, I find my self to be very ambitious. I work full time from 8-6 at a bank, come home spend time with our kids then I start working on ads. She understands that I do not want to live a mediocre life so she doesn't bitch about me working all the time. She didn't bitch when I was losing money in stocks because she knew I was smart enough to figure it out which I did, same with AM I was in the hole 6k and she didn't care specially when I made it all make alot faster than when i lost it educating myself.


She also understands that when I do come across a good portion of money I will be investing it in real estate not purse and shoes.



I guess I should have just written these three sentences. . .






She supports my desire to create my own wealth. She doesn't have to want the same things as me. She just has to fuck good.

jonas33h

school is not real life bro you just need C's to get your degree that should be good enough. . .

than_west

Try one of these:
"Look bitch, I don't want dumb babies"
"My SEO money, or lack thereof, is drying up. I want to ensure you'll be the breadwinner"
"Y U NO B SMRT?"

SirKonstantine

Get a 2nd and 3rd girlfriend so your main girl is always on her toes. She'll never want to be "right" ever again.

1yerrot

She texts me all day from her phone to my facebook messages because she knows I'm always online and complains about her lunch, her period, her everything. But she's super hot, soooooo..... Whatevs.

P.S. Oh and the more I ignore her the more mysterious I am to her and she seems to want me even more than when I try to pay her constant attention. Sooooooo.... Whatevs.

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cucaloco

My wife is a elementary teacher and she doesn't care too much about big money.

She would probably rather I work less and go on more vacations and stuff. But I love this stuff too much, so work is like a vacation.

leadsupplier

my girl is going to be a teacher as well. and i'm cool with that. she respects my ambition and doesn't mind me working. but at times shes just an immature person with a short attention span and gets mad if i try to reason with her.

like:

her: "i study so much and i still do bad sometimes"
me: "you can fix that shit if you just identify your problem and work at it"
her: "i've tried everything, it's just a fact that i do shitty sometimes"
me: "that the dumbest thing i've ever heard"
her: "OMG ARE YOUR SERIOUS I'M HANGING UP RIGHT NOW"

it's like talking to a child who doesn't have the capacity to think logically yet or listen to reason so they just get angry and throw a tantrum instead lol

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SirKonstantine

Pic of GTFO

dsiomtw

Ask her to teach you some 2nd grade grammar one day...

nickCR

Sorry your incorrect. People are simply smarter than others, so she's actually right about that.

If she has a history of not doing well at school she might not do well on tests. The reason for this is simply that some people don't feel challenged enough by the material itself and become bored and un-interested with it.

The two points you mentioned above, in my opinion are different from doing well in life (becoming successful). Experience and hands on is really what works, makes you learn the fastest and you'll be way better off than most that go to school. I bet MOST of the guys here never did post-secondary.

Sit down with her and ask her what she wants to do, determine if school is going to get her any closer to that. As long as it's not being a doctor or a lawyer (where licesnses are involved and I think a 100% requirement to go to school for those) then you can find away to get her into what she likes with some hands on experience. Also woman change their mind quite often about what they want to do. If you plan to have kids, then it would be ideal that she does something she can do on her own schedule.

I don't really want to get into what she does and doesn't do rather I'll leave you with this. Boredom is the death of any relationship. If she's going to be sitting at home watching the ceiling she's going to hate it and she's going to think and over analyze EVERYTHING. So anything that keeps her busy and happy is good for you. Ideally that something will help her become personally successful. A happy wife is a healthy relationship lol

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dmnEPC

Just know the divorce rate is higher when you live with a woma before she makes you marry her.

HiGhPeR

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metalshark

No matter what, don't let her be a "stay at home" wife. Bitch should get a job at least out of respect, even if it's just cutting hair or some shit.

Stay at home wives lose the real world realization and start drinking/cheating and all that type of bullshit. If you want a "real housewives of ect." cunt, then let her stay at home while you work your ass off and pay for everything.

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IceToEskimos

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MediaBuysEyez

Congrats, this is one of the worst stereotypes I have seen in quite a while. I look forward to your narrow views on Jews and blacks next...

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metalshark

Narrow minded? How about realistic. Please explain the benefits of having a lady mooch off you in your house, watching some bullshit on your TV, driving your car, eating your food, shopping with your money, ect.

Give someone everything on a silver platter and they will lose their fucking mind. It's the same reason spoiled kids are ungrateful little faggots and the same reason lotto winners burn out quick.

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potentialeight

@OP, I would recommend getting (for her or for you) Carol Dweck's book "Mindset." It's basically designed for these types of situations, and you could present it to her as something to help her with teaching if you needed. It can help her change her screwed up views on her own, or it can help you change them for her. Good luck.

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mpbiz

My girlfriends sole purpose in life is to make me sandwiches.

ItsYoBuddy

mx=headroom

It's not his fault you were born with a small cock.

Listen, say what you want about a stay at home mom, but raising little kids and keeping a house a home is not an easy task.

What's that you say, "Hurr durr I make all da monies."? Good for you, whose raising your kids, cooking your meals, and sucking your cock? That's right it's that good for nothing, free loading cunt of a stay at home mom.

Congrats on being the dumbest fuck I had the displeasure of coming in contact with today. I was going to give the OP the award for saying that everyone is born equal (I guess those born mentally retarded just aren't trying hard enough), but you took the cake. Congrats!

Hale.Pane

Their offspring would be a god amongst men.

stefanie

It doesn't matter if you envision your GF as a housewife or a CEO. Every life has hard times, and if her standard response is to make excuses and blame things out of her control instead of breaking down the problem and doing her best with what she's got, you will be miserable. Is this a single sensitive issue you've managed to aggravate - or a persistent problem in how she approaches problems in general?

Think about it in terms of future issues you might face -

Business is bad and the budget is tight - Will she feed you and your potential kids ramen and macaroni and cheese because "that's what you can afford"? Or will she plant a garden/shop sales/clip coupons to make sure the best possible food ends up on the table?

You relocate your family for a business opportunity. She arrives in the new town with no job and no friends - Will she dig in and meet people, beat down doors to get a job, come up with creative ways to make money in the meantime, etc.? Or will she whine and complain and blame the move and generally make everyone more miserable?

I dated a guy like that for several years too many, and it was exhausting. His parents sold the family business out from under him and he proceeded to waste the next 3 years making excuses instead of actually doing anything. The constant stream of "I can't do --- because of ---" and "It's not my fault ---" wears you down pretty quickly. I stuck around way too long out of guilt, and because I mistakenly believed he'd snap out of it once the initial shock and depression passed. In reality, it was always there and I just didn't notice it until he had a major problem to deal with. Not a mistake I'll make again.

But like I said...school might just be a touchy subject for her. A lot of people have weird blocks about school that don't seem to apply elsewhere in their lives.

metalshark

Believe it or not, I never said anything about "MOM". I said stay at home "wife". I was trying to express to OP that, well, as long as she pursues doing something active with her life then perhaps it doesn't matter if she's a rocket scientist or a god damn hair dresser. Perhaps it's my fault for not making it clear, but Spouse ≠ Mom

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Andrew Scherer

Only a girl would call you up worried about the possibilities of future arguments, then starts an argument about it.

Now that shit is hilarious

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Yuma504

@OP,
Sounds like she is playing the "how pussy whipped are you?" game. I don't know how long you've been together, but she is seeing how far she can push the envelope and judging your reactions... and this is typical when a relationship escalates to a "new level" like moving in together.

ONLY MEN SHOULD READ THIS PORTION: Ladies, go make some sammiches or something (if not, don't get all butthert):
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Trust me on this one point: She has a vagina...she is going to do something uber stupid and consequently piss you off to the nth degree (and she realizes this as well). She would rather test the waters with petty bullshit like you have relayed at this stage of your relationship and not be totally devastated in the future should she be in a very emotional state, do something stupid (@ this point she feels safe with you) and you blow the fuck up and act like a fool and shatter her illusions of safety and trust in you.

Not too mention, if she keeps your expectations of her lowered by playing aloof, "not smart", coquettish and coy... you're blissfully ignorant of her true capabilities. This is definitely a disadvantage for you homeboy! But that's the nature of the game.

Women need a protector and a provider. This is hardwired into them. This is why a majority of smoking hot women at some point in their lives have had a relationship with some idiotic meat head who treats them like shit and takes advantage of them. Hard wired Darwinian shit.

This is her "nesting behavior" kicking in... she needs to know how you'll react with kids, bills and the general B.S. trivialities that are life. REGARDLESS IF THIS HAS BEEN DISCUSSED WITH YOU OR NOT, this is what is running through her mind. Basically what she is trying to find out is - are you like her Daddy? And if she has Daddy issues, are you like her "ideal Daddy" should have been?

smaxor

Dentist.

Carry on that is all.

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tomaszjot

You will live long together (maybe). During that time your views and her views on that and other subjects will change 500 times. You don't want to live with a copy of yourself, do you?

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Andrew Scherer

you know turbo just loves these threads

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stefanie

She probably expressed the concern because she wanted to hear reassuring things but she didn't want to come right out and say something like, "I've had a rough day and/or I'm stressed about this big change and I'd like to hear something nice that makes me feel closer to you."

Girls do this a lot - sometimes because they just need more affection than the guy volunteers, and other times because they're stressed out. Some people are too scared to say what they mean in that scenario. Others don't think about the reasoning behind what they're doing so they never consider a more direct approach. Some girls don't feel like it means as much if they have to prompt the guy to say something (even though that's what they're doing either way).

My guess is that she thought she'd hear reassurance and was unpleasantly surprised when it was more like reassurance + mild criticism. We're all imperfect and funny in our own ways

blogspotter

Doctor. Since both of us are pretty busy, we mostly mind our own businesses, we are still like we are dating, lol. We like to surprise each other... Well, she likes to surprise me... I am not very good at that...

We used to argue a lot earlier, but now we both know when to back down, and also that winning an argument isn't really more important than our feelings for each other.

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djcooke

Why are all you fags talking about pussy??? I thought this was a gay site???

Happy wife=happy life just don't tell her about Ctrl H....

She hates it when I know she read my FB page...

Dwight Schrute

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Dwight Schrute's 3,000th post - Tips for a Better Life

[1:29:08 AM] IceToEskimos: if you don't hear from me, assume I've been murdered

[3:21:26 PM] Mike K: snatch it up
[3:21:48 PM] grindstone: I don't snatch

faceblogger

My wife is cooking rice and curry for me. (2014)

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tomaszjot

My uncle makes curry for me. Uncle Ben.

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medicalhumor

My wife's a doctor. She's one of the most driven, ambitious people I know and she actually pushes me to do more. I was a lot less ambitious when I was younger, but a lot of her habits thankfully rubbed off on me.

OP, sounds like your GF just needs more confidence in herself. She's obviously intelligent enough to get into grad school. Her background might have more to do with her not feeling up to par at times. Sounds like you have drive and want her to have it as well. Keep encouraging her and push her to do her best, without giving her a hard time about it.

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pro-life
adj. Valuing human life until birth.

robbie222

Translation: She's moving on.

jorarulit

don't try to reason with her, show her with an example

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Mugshot

i broke up with my GF coz she said my penis was "cute"

absolute

She obviously has serious self esteem/worth issues. You can't reason with her, so stop trying.

Now - don't take this personal. This is just me rambling.

You can't "help" her, because that will only make things worse. NEVER, ever attempt to help her directly (in a significant way) with her coursework or the like - she'll come at you later on for "not letting her accomplish her goals herself" and that she "feels worthless and dumb and it's all done now and she'll never know". I know it sounds stupid, but be careful how you treat your relationship with her.

She (most likely) needs a lot of fake "recognition" to keep her happy. I've seen a lot of similar people in grad school. They work 5x as hard on their projects and artificial "research" than they do on they personal relationships or real life work. They crave recognition from their superiors and worry about letting them down more than anything else.

Low(ish) sex drive, overly worried, needs stability, unsure of what she wants to do/accomplish in the future. Most likely a perfectionist when it comes to irrelevant, tiny details. Has almost no logical reasoning capabilities - makes the most ridiculous statements and assumptions when she's worried or upset.

Not saying that's her though. Good luck.