Fuzzo

Not meaning to sound like a pussy I just wanted to get some shit off my chest... Relationships are a fucking mess...

Dilemma in point: Am 21, and for the last three years, I have been with the same girl, whos great - but I always get committment issues and shit... its like... one minute ill be fine and the next ill be wanting to get as far away as possible - what the fuck do you do?

Break loose and enjoy the rest of your 'youth' to your full potential or stay hoping that shit will work itself out and you will stop thinking about other women haha...

Fuuuuuuck...

bb_wolfe

21? Been with her for 3 years? the C word....

You == FUCKED. Seriously, you're both strangers to the world and now you want to lock in your bet before you've seen all the ponies?

Poor choice man, and I know something about poor choices.

You shouldn't get married until you've dated at least 10 other girls. Ask any 50 year old what they knew at 21 and they'll all tell you the same thing: Not a fucking thing.

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rockhard

The grass is always greener on the other side my friend. No matter what you choose to do it will have it's pros and cons.

John

I was in your same situation when I was your age, I ended up having a kid with her and a couple years later we ended up splitting up. If you aren't happy with her now you'll never be happy. Stop wasting your time and her time.

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Fuzzo

You have summed up my thoughts perfectly to be honest.. I do know fuck all, infact I have stuck inside abit of a safezone for those three years now and I really need to try other things.

I still love her and all its just, fuck and I dont know if I could see myself there in 20 years time - which tells me now is the time to cut it off.

Im going to feel like such a cunt though...

bb_wolfe

The key for most people is not to marry your girlfriend, but to marry your best [female] friend.

The guys who get divorced usually married their girlfriend, the guys who are happy at 40 are usually the ones who married the girl who he trusted the most. I've been in both situations and I can say that marrying one you can trust is more erotic in the long run than marrying the short 110lb big-titted blonde gymnast who only wants a caviar lifestyle.

Best place to find Mrs. Right: everywhere. There's nothing better than finding out a girl is exactly the opposite of what you first thought when seeing her. Ask out to coffee a girl you wouldn't normally think you have a chance with. And for fucks sake, get a good education, do something that makes bank, and SAVE SAVE SAVE. The root of most marriage problems is money and alcohol, and being poor is no way to enjoy life.

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Fuzzo

Well she is my best female friend, but im really not thinking about marriage - infact I don't think I will marry.

bb_wolfe

One final thought, make sure you remain friends with her, nothing worse than losing a good friend, if she is indeed a good friend.

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Fuzzo

Yeh, I agree. Thanks for the advice anyways it has helped me feel abit more comfortable with what am doing.

bb_wolfe

When you're both ~25 and she's been a bridesmaid in 5-10 weddings and has attended the baby shower of about a dozen of her friends, she'll get to the point where you marry her or she's a ghost, trust me.

Good luck!

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emp

I have seen so many of my friends get married who said "I will never get married" it is unreal.

::emp::

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Fuzzo

Yeh well, put it this way at least - I dont forsee getting married in the near future, guess you can never say never!

Janaic

Whew, I'm twenty and have been in a three year relationship. After 3 years, you kind of know whether or not you intend on spending more time with your "significant other", and if you are having doubts, just cut the string and move onto bigger and better adventures. No sense in prolonging the relationship, it'll only make matters worse. Ultimately, it's for the best if you are curious and want to test the waters. Good luck!

bb_wolfe

Obligatory " How YOU doin? "

Seriously though, it's 100% different for a 20 year old female than for a 21 year old guy.


The girl has at least one friend who is married and one friend who has a baby, so she know's it's possible, but the guy sees the same thing and know's it's a risk. The girl wants security and certainty while the guy wants a 10 minute fuck and a beer/baseball game afterwards.

Therein lies the problem. Now, if a woman could find a great way to fuck, drink beer, and watch baseball all at the same time, 99.999% of the world's problems would be solved!

[God I hope my girl doesn't see this!]

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Janaic

Lots of women do find a way to fuck, drink beer and watch a baseball game... They are known as whores. Maybe all of these aren't accomplished at the same time, but I imagine it works something like this:

1. Girl meets guy at bar.. they share many drinks together.
2. Guy and girl fuck
etc etc
Haha. Promiscuous behavior does not make the world go round, it only infects millions of people with STDs... Personally, not my cup of tea.

stack paper

You've got plenty more girls to bang out before you settle down.
Strap up, son!

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rockhard

Havn't you heard about this great new invention called a condom?

Janaic

Uh ya, has everyone else? Obviously not.. look at the birth rate and shit.

bb_wolfe

Not quite my point, but I get what you're saying.

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Deliguy

Sorry to hear your frustration man. Sounds like you two just haven't had a chance to get your wings yet. Who knows maybe in a year or two of dating other people you'll get it out of your system and decide to tie it down.

That's the sad tragedy. Girls talk a big game with the whole antislut thing but yet they want sex just as much as guys do. They meet a guy and get alone with him, they usually say something along the lines of I don't think we should be doing this. Then the guy will say something that alleviates her from responsibility and boom they're having sex. As long as they are sure they can't be called a slut for it they'll swing naked from the ceiling fan for all they care. Thats not the sad part. The sad part is girls are such fantastic liars and flirts that guys have no way of knowing anything about what a girl is really like until after sex. Everything up to that point is usually fake as hell and is just trying to get the guy to like them. Me? I love football and video games! The girl after sex is a totally different woman than before. The guy gets to see what she's really like and often times all the neuroticism that goes along with it. Then when he decides maybe the psycho chick isn't right for him she can go crying to her friends about how he "used her."

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amateursurgeon

Split up with her - you'll be glad you did. Probably my only regret so far in life is spending too much of my youth in relationships, doing exactly what you're about to do if you don't make a decision soon

nachoninja

cut ties, millions of little fish in the sea

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stack paper

Yeah, but stay away from the big ones.... Unless thats what you're into ;x

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Tensegrity

Childbirth is no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out of your ass. No need for excessive cabbage dropping.

You've got time man....my philosophy is be happy with yourself first and then you can worry about relationships later if you are so inclined. Lot of people look for the other person to make them happy which is highly unhealthy, cuz when shit goes down and people break up everyone is fuckin crippled and shooting heroin into their eyeballs because they invested every waking moment/dollar/emotion/energy into the other person. The best relationships are a coexistence, and not a slopfuck of dependance.

But yeah, if you're having doubts...those will only perpetuate, better to get the 20s out of your system

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blueoceanwave

I totally I agree with this statement, I just had to go through this and she's only 24, now I'm trying to move on because I "can't commit"... who knew...

Life!!!!

blueoceanwave

I don't agree, I know a lot of committed girls that do all that and are pretty accomplished..... but, the biological drive to have kids/security/settle down doesn't go away. I think it's the commitment and kids that are the troubling areas for guys, at least in the 20s.

blueoceanwave

Sir, you deserve a beer!

elucidex

pretty much in the exact same situation as you.. who the fucks knows what to do. Instead I focus on making money and trying not to worry about that.

HarveyJ

bb_wolfe's point about it being your long term partner being a friend, rather than a love, holds water for me.

I've been in the same relationship since I was 18 because she & I were great friends before hand. We'd hang out, play video games, throw pop corn at people in the cinema... and after a while it ended up getting physical because we were horny teenagers.
Was it romantic? Well, her idea of romance includes death metal bands, seeing a giant squid in a block of ice, and going to see AvP: Requiem... so, probably not. But that's my point, and I think bb_wolfe's as well.
It works better if you do fun "buddy/mate" style activities and you enjoy them and their company, instead of freaking out about whether the mood lighting is bright enough to see your French waiter, and if the sand is clean enough on the moonlit beach that you can roll around on it.

The only people that are really pressuring you to get married and have a kid are gonna be your parents who are desperate for grandchildren before they die, because they have this nostalgic memory of raising you, and want you to suffer the same fresh hell.
If you're girl is really into you, she'll understand that you're clearly not ready to have a kid, and she won't use it as a blackmail bargaining tool for a continued relationship, or even marriage.
Likewise, in this day & age, unless she's religious, marriage is simply a property law issue and a $20k ceremony to say "Hey, I like you enough to live with you and not stab you with a pencil". If you're genuinely committed to the relationship (having doubts isn't the same as not being committed. Everyone has doubts, about everything, except egomaniacs & psychopaths) she'll recognise that as well, and a de-facto marriage with the occasional bit of bling thrown in as gifts on special occasions should be enough.

Also, and this is really a tertiary thing here, establish some sexual ground rules.
Let's face it, relationships are made and broken on sexual compatibility.
It's hard to work up to the conversation in the first place, but if you can get there, it'll be worth it.
Find out what she's cool with. Maybe she's into something that will provide you with the variety you need to keep things fresh. For all you know, she's actively bi-sexual and wants to occasionally fool around with other women... which is basically a buy one get one free scenario

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SEOlson203

Amen. If it is for real, it shouldn't be forced. You don't need a rock on your finger to prove you love somebody until death do you part. All marriage really boils down to is an overhyped, romantically symbolic way to blackmail somebody into not leaving you. If it's the real deal, it doesn't matter if there's a piece of paper. If it matters that there is a piece of paper, then its not the real thing. The benefits you get from being married arent going to be equivalent to what you will lose if you get divorced, so pace yourself. Talk to your girl and explain that it's not that you don't love her, you just don't want to rush into something that is very costly and really unnecessary. reword it a bit but you get the idea...

I am a woman and I swoon over chick flicks and puppies but I am not in a rush to get married nor am I about to force somebody to tell me they want to spend their life with me. If it's worth my time, the words are enough and on their own schedule. A few years down the road maybe I'd get married if there wasn't the pressure.

Marriage has turned into a rite of passage, it lost its meaning a long time ago...just because you dont want to be hitched to the girl doesnt mean you dont love her. if she cant understand, then its better to find out now that she would have spent the rest of your lives manipulating and blackmailing you into things you dont want to do.

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kingofsp

Feel free to sow your wild oats, but be careful. Being too popular with the ladies can also be a headache. Check out my friend's post about having too much game. It's pretty entertaining.

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