Better than teh berriez! - WickedFire - Affiliate Marketing Forum

Mike · 05-31-2009, 09:33 PM

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Brutus, the Basset Hound and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm self-employed and had little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Jeff-DBA · 05-31-2009, 09:38 PM

lolol..I just pissed myself a little. Off to change my boxers. You just thought of this right off the top of your head?

nachoninja · 05-31-2009, 09:44 PM

that shit is funny

papajohn56 · 05-31-2009, 09:46 PM

I saw vegan dog food the other day. I was confused.

tonyfloyd · 05-31-2009, 09:49 PM

funny shit....fo-shizzle!

guysmy · 05-31-2009, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SEO_Mike

...load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.

this part is hilarious.

stockfire · 05-31-2009, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff-DBA

lolol..I just pissed myself a little. Off to change my boxers. You just thought of this right off the top of your head?

Nope.

"Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog" - Google Search

subigo · 05-31-2009, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stockfire

Nope.

"Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog" - Google Search

Link fail...

And yeah, I had never heard the joke before. Was really hoping it was true.

Roundabout · 05-31-2009, 10:16 PM

Great story. Too bad you didn't bark at the end and begin sniffing her crotch.

CCLIND · 05-31-2009, 11:06 PM

Old news, but still good stuff.

erect · 05-31-2009, 11:59 PM

Bofu2U · 06-01-2009, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by erect

roflcopter

conv3rsion · 06-01-2009, 12:08 AM

thats hilarious

and i love costco

kblessinggr · 06-01-2009, 12:36 AM

I did something like that once, except I said:

"No, I can't afford a dog, we're nearly broke, and this is the cheapest thing to feed the kids".

Mike · 06-01-2009, 12:39 AM

Yeah, I wish it was something I came up with, all I did was change a couple lines to tell it in the first person. It's funnier that way.

roclafamilia · 06-01-2009, 12:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by erect

Many people have overweight dogs too...

Actually, most people have overweight dogs.

kblessinggr · 06-01-2009, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SEO_Mike

Yeah, I wish it was something I came up with, all I did was change a couple lines to tell it in the first person. It's funnier that way.

You fucking fake as....

...ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNO TOAD....

kblessinggr · 06-01-2009, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roclafamilia

Many people have overweight dogs too...

Actually, most people have overweight dogs.

You really have to wonder though when people feed their dogs better than they do their kids.

Mike · 06-01-2009, 03:10 AM

My dog eats whatever the kids don't. If I don't clean the table off right away, he will.

erect · 06-01-2009, 03:23 AM

That dog is absolutely ripped ... he's got the munchies you say?

Quote:

Originally Posted by SEO_Mike

My dog eats whatever the kids don't. If I don't clean the table off right away, he will.

kblessinggr · 06-01-2009, 03:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by erect

That dog is absolutely ripped ... he's got the munchies you say?

If the dog is getting the kid's leftovers as he claims, I really want to see how toasted the kids look.

HarveyJ · 06-01-2009, 04:28 AM

Even though I've read that before, the story still makes me laugh, and I contemplate doing it every time I haul two of those 12kg bags of kibble to the counter.

My dog found my stash of caramelised coffee beans last night actually.
If I hadn't been trying to sleep off the music festival I'd been at and hadn't just chucked him outside, there'd be some quality YouTube right now.

kblessinggr · 06-01-2009, 04:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HarveyJ

My dog found my stash of caramelised coffee beans last night actually.
If I hadn't been trying to sleep off the music festival I'd been at and hadn't just chucked him outside, there'd be some quality YouTube right now.

lol, if some rat dog did the same thing, you'd want to shoot the lil fucker from the extreme caffienation.

brack1969 · 06-01-2009, 05:54 AM

Hey you aren't the only one who enjoys dog food...here is your next celebrity endorsement for your weight loss flog:

kimboslice · 06-01-2009, 11:19 AM

Nice.. I had no idea where you were going with that until the last few lines.
Funny..

motto · 06-01-2009, 11:44 AM

This joke is on par with the Fishsticks joke from Southpark.

rawbones · 06-01-2009, 11:56 AM

Very Old joke. It used to be Wallmart

Mike · 06-01-2009, 12:27 PM

My favorite part of threads like this are the replies that remind us it's an old joke, or very old, or ancient. Thank god for people like this. If it weren't for them, we would all be thinking it was a brand new joke, and that crazy kind of thinking could cause a rift in the space time continuum.

Actually Brutus always looks like that. He's a basset hound. They always look stoned or sad, or sad and stoned.

jelf · 06-01-2009, 01:30 PM

HAHAHA

05-31-2009, 09:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
Mike Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: marvelously gleeful Posts: 6,023 iTrader: 30 / 100%	Better than teh berriez! Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Brutus, the Basset Hound and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm self-employed and had little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter __________________ ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

05-31-2009, 09:38 PM	#2 (permalink)
Jeff-DBA Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 192 iTrader: 3 / 100%	lolol..I just pissed myself a little. Off to change my boxers. You just thought of this right off the top of your head? Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter

05-31-2009, 09:44 PM	#3 (permalink)
nachoninja Love the dog Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Fleshlightville Posts: 4,065 iTrader: 2 / 100%	that shit is funny Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter __________________ Copeac Affiliate Network + Liquid Web VPS = $$$$$

05-31-2009, 09:46 PM	#4 (permalink)
papajohn56 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: SC Posts: 6,669 iTrader: 16 / 100%	I saw vegan dog food the other day. I was confused. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter

05-31-2009, 09:49 PM	#5 (permalink)
tonyfloyd Wordpress Guru Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: NY Posts: 136 iTrader: 0 / 0%	funny shit....fo-shizzle! Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter

05-31-2009, 10:16 PM	#9 (permalink)
Roundabout Banned Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 3,504 iTrader: 1 / 100%	Great story. Too bad you didn't bark at the end and begin sniffing her crotch. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter

05-31-2009, 11:06 PM	#10 (permalink)
CCLIND I'm about to go H.A.M. Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Oklahoma City Posts: 449 iTrader: 0 / 0%	Old news, but still good stuff. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter

06-01-2009, 12:36 AM	#14 (permalink)
kblessinggr PedoBeard Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: G.R., Michigan Posts: 5,774 iTrader: 26 / 96%	I did something like that once, except I said: "No, I can't afford a dog, we're nearly broke, and this is the cheapest thing to feed the kids". Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter __________________ Twitter Facebook Blog IonVz - Managed VPS (starting at 34.99/month) and Shared (39.99/year) hosting. Directadmin only $10(non-recurring/one-time). We manage Nginx webservers. Why Nginx? I can Fix, Slice, Configure or Install your Site/Server

06-01-2009, 12:39 AM	#15 (permalink)
Mike Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: marvelously gleeful Posts: 6,023 iTrader: 30 / 100%	Yeah, I wish it was something I came up with, all I did was change a couple lines to tell it in the first person. It's funnier that way. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter __________________ ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

06-01-2009, 03:10 AM	#19 (permalink)
Mike Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: marvelously gleeful Posts: 6,023 iTrader: 30 / 100%	My dog eats whatever the kids don't. If I don't clean the table off right away, he will. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter __________________ ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

06-01-2009, 04:28 AM	#22 (permalink)
HarveyJ He is - THE CACTUS! Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Melbourne - Not the one in Florida Posts: 3,906 iTrader: 0 / 0%	Even though I've read that before, the story still makes me laugh, and I contemplate doing it every time I haul two of those 12kg bags of kibble to the counter. My dog found my stash of caramelised coffee beans last night actually. If I hadn't been trying to sleep off the music festival I'd been at and hadn't just chucked him outside, there'd be some quality YouTube right now. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter __________________ After 10,000 years I'm free!

06-01-2009, 05:54 AM	#24 (permalink)
brack1969 Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 58 iTrader: 0 / 0%	Hey you aren't the only one who enjoys dog food...here is your next celebrity endorsement for your weight loss flog: Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter

06-01-2009, 11:19 AM	#25 (permalink)
kimboslice Gimmie My Bread. Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,665 iTrader: 6 / 100%	Nice.. I had no idea where you were going with that until the last few lines. Funny.. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter

06-01-2009, 11:44 AM	#26 (permalink)
motto Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 381 iTrader: 17 / 100%	This joke is on par with the Fishsticks joke from Southpark. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter __________________ "Real men don't use backups, they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies." — Linus T.

06-01-2009, 11:56 AM	#27 (permalink)
rawbones Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 796 iTrader: 1 / 100%	Very Old joke. It used to be Wallmart Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter __________________ iztoogoodtobetrubro

06-01-2009, 12:27 PM	#28 (permalink)
Mike Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: marvelously gleeful Posts: 6,023 iTrader: 30 / 100%	My favorite part of threads like this are the replies that remind us it's an old joke, or very old, or ancient. Thank god for people like this. If it weren't for them, we would all be thinking it was a brand new joke, and that crazy kind of thinking could cause a rift in the space time continuum. Actually Brutus always looks like that. He's a basset hound. They always look stoned or sad, or sad and stoned. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter __________________ ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

06-01-2009, 01:30 PM	#29 (permalink)
jelf Teh ***** Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 1,147 iTrader: 5 / 100%	HAHAHA Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter __________________ If your not nettin over a million a yr then signup if you need help just hit me up.. Discount Sunglasses

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