Better than teh berriez! - WickedFire - Affiliate Marketing Forum

SEO_Mike · 05-31-2009, 08:33 PM

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Brutus, the Basset Hound and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm self-employed and had little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Jeff-DBA · 05-31-2009, 08:38 PM

lolol..I just pissed myself a little. Off to change my boxers. You just thought of this right off the top of your head?

nachoninja · 05-31-2009, 08:44 PM

that shit is funny

papajohn56 · 05-31-2009, 08:46 PM

I saw vegan dog food the other day. I was confused.

tonyfloyd · 05-31-2009, 08:49 PM

funny shit....fo-shizzle!

guysmy · 05-31-2009, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SEO_Mike

...load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.

this part is hilarious.

stockfire · 05-31-2009, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff-DBA

lolol..I just pissed myself a little. Off to change my boxers. You just thought of this right off the top of your head?

Nope.

"Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog" - Google Search

subigo · 05-31-2009, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stockfire

Nope.

"Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog" - Google Search

Link fail...

And yeah, I had never heard the joke before. Was really hoping it was true.

Roundabout · 05-31-2009, 09:16 PM

Great story. Too bad you didn't bark at the end and begin sniffing her crotch.

CCLIND · 05-31-2009, 10:06 PM

Old news, but still good stuff.

erect · 05-31-2009, 10:59 PM

Bofu2U · 05-31-2009, 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by erect

roflcopter

conv3rsion · 05-31-2009, 11:08 PM

thats hilarious

and i love costco

kblessinggr · 05-31-2009, 11:36 PM

I did something like that once, except I said:

"No, I can't afford a dog, we're nearly broke, and this is the cheapest thing to feed the kids".

SEO_Mike · 05-31-2009, 11:39 PM

Yeah, I wish it was something I came up with, all I did was change a couple lines to tell it in the first person. It's funnier that way.

roclafamilia · 05-31-2009, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by erect

Many people have overweight dogs too...

Actually, most people have overweight dogs.

kblessinggr · 05-31-2009, 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SEO_Mike

Yeah, I wish it was something I came up with, all I did was change a couple lines to tell it in the first person. It's funnier that way.

You fucking fake as....

...ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNO TOAD....

kblessinggr · 05-31-2009, 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roclafamilia

Many people have overweight dogs too...

Actually, most people have overweight dogs.

You really have to wonder though when people feed their dogs better than they do their kids.

SEO_Mike · 06-01-2009, 02:10 AM

My dog eats whatever the kids don't. If I don't clean the table off right away, he will.

erect · 06-01-2009, 02:23 AM

That dog is absolutely ripped ... he's got the munchies you say?

Quote:

Originally Posted by SEO_Mike

My dog eats whatever the kids don't. If I don't clean the table off right away, he will.

kblessinggr · 06-01-2009, 02:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by erect

That dog is absolutely ripped ... he's got the munchies you say?

If the dog is getting the kid's leftovers as he claims, I really want to see how toasted the kids look.

HarveyJ · 06-01-2009, 03:28 AM

Even though I've read that before, the story still makes me laugh, and I contemplate doing it every time I haul two of those 12kg bags of kibble to the counter.

My dog found my stash of caramelised coffee beans last night actually.
If I hadn't been trying to sleep off the music festival I'd been at and hadn't just chucked him outside, there'd be some quality YouTube right now.

kblessinggr · 06-01-2009, 03:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HarveyJ

My dog found my stash of caramelised coffee beans last night actually.
If I hadn't been trying to sleep off the music festival I'd been at and hadn't just chucked him outside, there'd be some quality YouTube right now.

lol, if some rat dog did the same thing, you'd want to shoot the lil fucker from the extreme caffienation.

brack1969 · 06-01-2009, 04:54 AM

Hey you aren't the only one who enjoys dog food...here is your next celebrity endorsement for your weight loss flog:

kimboslice · 06-01-2009, 10:19 AM

Nice.. I had no idea where you were going with that until the last few lines.
Funny..

motto · 06-01-2009, 10:44 AM

This joke is on par with the Fishsticks joke from Southpark.

rawbones · 06-01-2009, 10:56 AM

Very Old joke. It used to be Wallmart

SEO_Mike · 06-01-2009, 11:27 AM

My favorite part of threads like this are the replies that remind us it's an old joke, or very old, or ancient. Thank god for people like this. If it weren't for them, we would all be thinking it was a brand new joke, and that crazy kind of thinking could cause a rift in the space time continuum.

Actually Brutus always looks like that. He's a basset hound. They always look stoned or sad, or sad and stoned.

jelf · 06-01-2009, 12:30 PM

HAHAHA

05-31-2009, 08:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
SEO_Mike Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Yes Posts: 5,577 iTrader: 30 / 100%	Better than teh berriez! Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Brutus, the Basset Hound and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm self-employed and had little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco won't let me shop there anymore. __________________ 這裡沒有什麼錯 Awesome WonderWheel Scraper! Stupid cheap too. - CodSpot Auction2Post. It's that good. - radio

05-31-2009, 08:44 PM	#3 (permalink)
nachoninja Love the dog Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Fleshlightville Posts: 4,071 iTrader: 2 / 100%	that shit is funny __________________ Copeac Affiliate Network + Liquid Web VPS = $$$$$

05-31-2009, 11:36 PM	#14 (permalink)
kblessinggr PedoBeard Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Mitch-She-Gan Posts: 5,720 iTrader: 25 / 100%	I did something like that once, except I said: "No, I can't afford a dog, we're nearly broke, and this is the cheapest thing to feed the kids". __________________ Twitter Facebook Blog I can Fix, Slice, Configure or Install your Site/Server

05-31-2009, 11:39 PM	#15 (permalink)
SEO_Mike Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Yes Posts: 5,577 iTrader: 30 / 100%	Yeah, I wish it was something I came up with, all I did was change a couple lines to tell it in the first person. It's funnier that way. __________________ 這裡沒有什麼錯 Awesome WonderWheel Scraper! Stupid cheap too. - CodSpot Auction2Post. It's that good. - radio

06-01-2009, 02:10 AM	#19 (permalink)
SEO_Mike Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Yes Posts: 5,577 iTrader: 30 / 100%	My dog eats whatever the kids don't. If I don't clean the table off right away, he will. __________________ 這裡沒有什麼錯 Awesome WonderWheel Scraper! Stupid cheap too. - CodSpot Auction2Post. It's that good. - radio

05-31-2009, 08:38 PM	#2 (permalink)
Jeff-DBA Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 122 iTrader: 1 / 100%	lolol..I just pissed myself a little. Off to change my boxers. You just thought of this right off the top of your head?

05-31-2009, 08:46 PM	#4 (permalink)
papajohn56 Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 3,886 iTrader: 15 / 100%	I saw vegan dog food the other day. I was confused.

05-31-2009, 08:49 PM	#5 (permalink)
tonyfloyd Wordpress Guru Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: NY Posts: 132 iTrader: 0 / 0%	funny shit....fo-shizzle!

05-31-2009, 09:16 PM	#9 (permalink)
Roundabout No Kill I. Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Casino Posts: 3,166 iTrader: 0 / 0%	Great story. Too bad you didn't bark at the end and begin sniffing her crotch.

05-31-2009, 10:06 PM	#10 (permalink)
CCLIND Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Oklahoma City Posts: 290 iTrader: 0 / 0%	Old news, but still good stuff.

06-01-2009, 03:28 AM	#22 (permalink)
HarveyJ He is - THE CACTUS! Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Melbourne - Not the one in Florida Posts: 3,906 iTrader: 0 / 0%	Even though I've read that before, the story still makes me laugh, and I contemplate doing it every time I haul two of those 12kg bags of kibble to the counter. My dog found my stash of caramelised coffee beans last night actually. If I hadn't been trying to sleep off the music festival I'd been at and hadn't just chucked him outside, there'd be some quality YouTube right now. __________________ After 10,000 years I'm free!

06-01-2009, 04:54 AM	#24 (permalink)
brack1969 Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 56 iTrader: 0 / 0%	Hey you aren't the only one who enjoys dog food...here is your next celebrity endorsement for your weight loss flog:

06-01-2009, 10:19 AM	#25 (permalink)
kimboslice Gimmie My Bread. Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,413 iTrader: 4 / 100%	Nice.. I had no idea where you were going with that until the last few lines. Funny..

06-01-2009, 10:44 AM	#26 (permalink)
motto Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 290 iTrader: 12 / 100%	This joke is on par with the Fishsticks joke from Southpark. __________________ "Real men don't use backups, they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies." — Linus T.

06-01-2009, 10:56 AM	#27 (permalink)
rawbones Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 792 iTrader: 0 / 0%	Very Old joke. It used to be Wallmart __________________ When she said, "It looks like he is wearing a fireman's hat", I knew I was in for serious molar drag.

06-01-2009, 11:27 AM	#28 (permalink)
SEO_Mike Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Yes Posts: 5,577 iTrader: 30 / 100%	My favorite part of threads like this are the replies that remind us it's an old joke, or very old, or ancient. Thank god for people like this. If it weren't for them, we would all be thinking it was a brand new joke, and that crazy kind of thinking could cause a rift in the space time continuum. Actually Brutus always looks like that. He's a basset hound. They always look stoned or sad, or sad and stoned. __________________ 這裡沒有什麼錯 Awesome WonderWheel Scraper! Stupid cheap too. - CodSpot Auction2Post. It's that good. - radio

06-01-2009, 12:30 PM	#29 (permalink)
jelf Teh ***** Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 1,012 iTrader: 5 / 100%	HAHAHA __________________ my blog bitch If your not nettin over a million a yr then signup with

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