Am I doing good sales copywriting?

B

bigfoot12

New member
Oct 7, 2013
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Or does seem kind of scammy?

"You are probably sitting there miserably just thinking about your life, and how bad it really is. You are probably in one of the situations – either you just got fired, you got divorced, you are getting bad grades at school, you can't find a good paying job, or you are very unhappy with your life.



You are probably sick and tired of all the promises, when nothing seems to work for you.


Listen... you've been cheated, and in a moment, I will expose something that will uncover all the lies that have deceived you.


But first....


Let me first introduce myself. My name is Scott Bradley. I am a self taught musician and was always very dedicated to my passions and hobbies. Although I was a great kid, I didn't have very many friendships in school. I had a lack of understanding in life.


I was the kid wondering why I wasn't joining any sports teams, or the one wondering why I didn't have any real relationships yet.


I kept hearing other people saying how their lives weren't so good either, yet they seemed to have it better than me.


It was only after high school, that I was beginning to put all the pieces of the puzzle together. After high school, I went to college for two years, and studied a lot of different subjects. I then shortly picked up a job at my local supermarket.


Life seemed such of a hassle, and I wondered why it was the way it is.


One day, I finally stumbled on something I had never realized before. It was that “aha” moment that finally struck me, yet I noticed that most people weren't even aware of it themselves.


At last, I had finally uncovered what it really took to live a successful life. It had nothing to do with having money, and it had NOTHING to do with talent.


Here is what I am not... I do not come from a poor family. We have paid off our house and we are very happy with where we are in our lives. We have no credit card debt. In fact, we arein better position than most peoples lives are.


We have traveled to many places around the USA – and almost every single state we've been to – we've seen places including New York City, the Grand Canyon, the Atlantic Ocean, the desert, Florida, Yellowstone National Park... and many many more.


I am not here to impress you. I am here to make your life better and share with you what is possible.


You can do anything you want to if you put your mind to it.


I've talked to many psychiatrists, physicians, teachers, and friends. And... what I am going to share with you are the many things that even the best psychiatrists don't even know. Yet, to be surprised, some of these things are things that even famous people don't even know.


You don't have to keep giving people your money for the help you need, when you can get all the knowledge that you need in life right NOW, which I will share with you in a moment.


How much better can it get? It will cost you less money, and it will save you a lot of time.


What I will share with you is the whole story, and not just a fragmented view of it.


The thing is... Life doesn't have to be hard. You can either make it easy for yourself, or your can make it hard for yourself. You choose...


So if you are ready, I am going to give you a simple plan that can help you change the way you see life right now.


Here is my new book: "**********" 59 pages.


This is a book unveiling the deep mystery behind life, and why things the way they are right now at this time of age.


In this book, you will learn:


-The in depth explanation of why your life isn't working the way you want it to be.
-How to really get the most out of life.
-The never before seen revealed history of culture and society
-Why the American dream is almost a guaranteed way to fail, and how you can get past it.
-Why the study of language can give you clues to help you understand the past, and how you can use language to understand the future.

-How to get everything that you absolutely need without any restrictions.

-How to secure yourself totally from self ruin
-And much much more!

Testimonials:

No testimonials yet. If you would like to submit a testimonial, please click on the comments section of this website, and send me a message with your testimonial.
"
 


This is just an info dump.

1. Have you read cashvertising.
2. Why not post your objective and focus you efforts on something specific. Theres no structure here.

This is TLDR and will turn most forum users off.
 
1. Hire a copywriter

You sort of have a story developing, but it's lacking the sizzle you need to keep the prospects attention...

Secondly, I don't believe your claims... Thirdly, you have no offer...What are you selling me exactly?

What did I just read, it's a mess, all of it

I will give you an A for even attempting to write your own copy.

It's not easy but there is a science behind it. If you write each day a little more, you'll be better than anyone on here in about tree and a half years, maybe.

Don't give up

P.S Protip: Replace the letter I with the word You. Me, me, me copy sucks
 
IceToEskimos said:
Are You? > You Are

I stopped reading after the first line.
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what is 1 book you would suggest to get started?

writing good copy seems to be a lost artform for newer generations. there's not a startup in the entire bay area that can express on a landing page what the fuck it is they even sell, muchless make anyone want to buy it.
 
is cashvertising more important than caples or ogilvy for sales copy 101? i see that book thrown around an incredible amount..
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Nothing, and I do mean nothing, is more important than Ogilvy. He was the Master of the masters. Presentations change. The underlying ways that get people to buy what you're selling don't. Ogilvy is the Golden God of sales copy and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Everything from everyone else is just a bonus.

Cashvertising is a damn good book, but it's really a mishmash, TL;DR version of all the copywriting and sales classics. It's worthwhile to read it and keep it on a shelf near your workstation, but it shouldn't be the only book that you read on the topic.


sk4rlet said:
what is 1 book you would suggest to get started?

writing good copy seems to be a lost artform for newer generations. there's not a startup in the entire bay area that can express on a landing page what the fuck it is they even sell, muchless make anyone want to buy it.
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The silicon valley shit is so true. And it's because all of their copy is filled with one of two things, or a combination of both: Jargon and hyped nonsensical bullshit that doesn't tell you anything about their product, what it does, or how it helps you.

As for a single book; that's tough. I'm assuming you've read all of the Ogilvy you can get your hands on. After that, my two favorites are:

  1. Adweek's Copywriting Handbook
  2. Breakthrough Advertising - Eugene Schwartz

If you're looking for a fairly quick, but inclusive handbook type, Bly's "The Copywriter's Handbook" is also a good place to start.

HTH
 
You guys need to pick up any one of Jason Fladliens Copy E Courses. If you want something that is up to date and also learn from someone who studied the greats, get his stuff. You won't regret it, he even goes into some of the NLP stuff I've learned elsewhere.
 
Here's my setup for my writers

1. Check the title
2. Check the paragraph structure

You got no title. The first line Must be "like the title" where you give your customers the "answer" to their long lost question/problem. that easy. First line is where you capture them to read on. You lost me asap when I'm trying to read it. 2nd Your Paragraph structure is messed up as well. My Suggestion is try to hire a copy writer brah, it will pay off in the long run and give you more sales rather than getting that sales page up.
 
skohh said:
You guys need to pick up any one of Jason Fladliens Copy E Courses. If you want something that is up to date and also learn from someone who studied the greats, get his stuff. You won't regret it, he even goes into some of the NLP stuff I've learned elsewhere.
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He can't even afford to get his stuff proofread; the writing makes my eyes bleed.

EDIT: I'm just saying.
 
hecwai said:
He can't even afford to get his stuff proofread; the writing makes my eyes bleed.

EDIT: I'm just saying.
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That's understandable, but listen, all that shit doesn't matter when you do everything else correctly, which most of the time he does. Jason will intentionally do that and even talks about it, there is a reason for it. I figured you would have talked about his annoying laugh, which is also intentional too (anchoring). He's a very clever person and understands psychology and selling better than anyone I've seen as of late.
 
Jason Fladliens Copy E Courses....

I had a look at Jason's material and didn't get on with it. Also at $999 (last I looked) the price tag is not for the feint of heart/newb friendly.
 
You need a more positive tone in the beginning of the sales letter. People want hope and you need proof to back it up during your sales copy. Its a mixture of science and art.

A sales letter is pretty much weaving your big promise, proofs and the hot button emotions for your market.

And each market has their hot button emotions that'll trigger them to buy almost anything. Just like a building, your structure needs to be right, or it all comes tumbling down.

The shortcut to understanding good copy, is reading and writing good copy CONSISTENTLY, in your own handwriting. Eventually it just clicks. It doesn't have to be perfect. It just needs to have the right elements glued together for results.

Read good copy, and then break down each sentence and word. Why did they use this sentence? Why did they use this word? And why did they use this arrangement of words and sentences? And then write it out in your own handwriting to connect your mind with the copywriter as he was writing the salesletter.

Eventually it all comes together and you'll understand how to put together elements of an effective sales letter.
 
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