Ok in all seriousness here's a real answer for you.
tl;dr: get your shit together before you start a cpa campaign
First, assuming you aren't trying to only make 4 sales a week(volume no one gives a shit about), if you can't get anyone to run your offer on a cpa it's likely because you aren't looking hard enough or aren't prepared. If it's the first, I'll say keep looking you'll get there. Share your offer details and see if anyone bites...
If it's because you aren't prepared to do business consistently the way they want business to find them, them you have a longer haul ahead. Like anything else though, whether you make it a big deal or not, it is. This is a complex and fast moving industry, but it's not rocket science. Preparation and action are most of what you'll be needing on a regular basis.
It's risky as fuck and a less than smart decision for them to run traffic to people that aren't prepared, so you're getting kicked to the curb before getting in because fuck not getting paid and/or dealing with greenies.
Here are the things you'll need to get people interested in running good traffic consistently to your offer on a cpa basis:
1. Money - You need a budget before you approach anyone. If your credit doesn't carry you or isn't enough to meet their requirements you'll need cash. Depending on the payment terms you agree on, you may need to have the $ to pay fast or even make a deposit to them before getting traffic. It's usually at least a weeks worth of sales(# of sales x's your cpa) that you'll have to cough up if they don't lend you credit or long pay terms. You'll also likely need the cash to payout before you get paid from your processing on the new sales, so make sure when it's time for payment resolution you have the $ to pay up immediately. Do it right and show the guys driving traffic to your pages that you know and appreciate that they are the gas that makes the engine run( dont ever say that kind of shit to those egotistical sunsabitches they'll hold it over your head, just operate that way because it's the truth and say it with prompt payment). We're the pages and payout and they're the traffic and sales, it's symbiotic so one dies without the other.
2.
Pages/Creatives worth a shit - Have your sales pages and creative kit ready before you make a single call.
3. A cpa worth a shit - As the new guy you aren't going to get anyone excited, or willing, if you're not at least paying the kind of cpa they're currently getting for similar traffic. Then once you're in, if your offer doesn't convert it'll cost you even more to stay in the traffic.
4. A sales goal worth a shit - Nobody that you want driving your traffic is going to get excited about 10 sales a week. At least in my niches and experience. So, depending on the product and cpa, if you aren't currently ready(read:able to pay for it) for at least 50-100 sales a week (some do thousands a day, that's potentially who you're swimming with), get ready for that kind of volume before you make a call. Unless you have an airtight payment term that allows you to get paid before paying out, get that $ first to fund your cpa payouts. If it's a good enough offer that coverts well, you can find people to cough up the money for a campaign in return for a share of the pie.
5. Communication skills worth a shit - Just don't be a dumbass and know what you're asking for when you call someone. From the AM's all the way up, this industry doesn't suffer fools lightly.
6. An open mind to paying faster - This is the key to their hearts like good traffic is to ours.
Ok that's enough, there's years more to say but if you have these things everyone will say yes to you. So do that.
Bonus point for:
-Paying a Higher cpa than what they say as a minimum. You want them to like you and be excited about your offer, you need friends and everyone loves money. This is the ad business after all.
-Knowing how your pages convert before making a call. If you don't know where you're at, take $500-$1000 and test your offer out with other terms (cpm/cpv/ppc/cpl/cpc/cpwtf/e). If you know where you're converting and it's good you have leverage, if it's bad you shouldn't even make a traffic call yet and instead get back to the creative work.
-Having your own aff tracking that they can log into and see from your system how many sales were made. The two sides don't always match up and being transparent works for you. Seems like an obvious one, but I always seem to get a surprised and grateful reply when I have the link and login sent over before they even ask for them.
-Hookers and blow
Something to take from all this: This is only what you need to get in the door with what I think you're asking about. It's easy to spend money in the cpa game and not get what you want in return(fraud/chargebacks/broken site/unexpected CS or processing costs/etc etc etc.), so getting into the traffic in the first place, if that's where you're getting stopped up, might in fact not even be your biggest problem. When breakage occurs, and it will, you need to be able to fix it if it's on your end or stop it and hold accountable others if its on them. Think (upsells/optimization/validation/technical & creative capabilities and limitations/processing/remarketing/pre-auths/scalability/CS needs). Sometimes every one of these is needed to stay ahead, monetize and get your offers to where the ROI is motivating.
Last thing I'll say is that this industry had trust issues and because of that the relationships you build will be how you stay agile with and a part of this industry. Relationships are how you keep the money wheel rolling after you've proven your salt by stacking some chips and lining some pockets with that sweet, better-than-street cpa payout. Oh and btw, once you've built up the right relationships and you have a good reputation for offers that convert, on time payments and 'spiffs' that need keys to start them, all of those stipulations you're seeing now will go away.
Gotta earn it though so get crackin! Good luck, I'm out..