The Joke Thread

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avatar33

e-Hustler
Dec 5, 2009
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Calgary, AB
Is there a Joke thread somewhere? Looked but didn't find any... anyhow, this joke applies to all who are into Aff Marketing lol


Michael wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone else. One day Michael got so frustrated that he went to her and said, I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you....

The girl looked at him, and then said, 'NO!'

Michael said, I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.'

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation.

Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.'

She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call..

Finally, after 45 minute's the boyfriend calls and asks, 'What happened.... Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The bastard had all quarters!'

Management lesson:

Always consider a business proposition in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.
 


Can we make racist jokes?

*Edit* Saw in the rules it's ok as long as it doesn't offend anyone specifically and no one reports it.
 
Three vampires walk into a bar, and take a seat up at the front. Bartender says to the first vampire "what'll it be?", first vampire says "gimmie a bloody merry".

Bartender says to the second vampire, "what you drinking?", second vampire says "a bloody merry on the rocks".

Bartender says to the third vampire, "what you having?", third vampire says "just gimmie a glass of boiling hot water"

Puzzled, the bartender says to the third vampire "your other buddies ordered drinks, what's with the hot water?"...

Third vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "Tea".
 
Q. What's a name that starts with an N and ends with an R that you never want to call a black person?








A. A Neighbor.


Friend just told me that today thought it was pretty clever.
 
The Old Golfer

A crusty old golfer, comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

  • COLD BEER: $2.00
  • HAMBURGER: $2.25
  • CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
  • CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50
  • HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled
golfers. She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"

The old golfer leans over the bar an whispers, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs? "

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes Sir , I sure am!"

The old golfer leans in closer to her ear and says softly, "Well, wash your hands real fucking good because I want a cheeseburger."
 
Why don't indonesians take showers?

They just wash up on shore


(tsunami reference)
 
A man and boy are walking through the forest. The boy says to the man, "Wow its really scary out here." The Man replies, "You're telling me, I gotta walk out of here here by myself."
 
A 6 year old kid walks in on his dad putting a condom on. The kid asks, "Whats going on?" Dad replies, "Oh, this is to build a mouse trap, son, I'm gonna catch a mouse." Kid says, "What are you gonna do when you catch it, Fuck it?"
________________________________________________________________________

A salesman knocks on a door and a twelve year old boy answers drinking a martini, smoking a cigar, wearing his Mom's bra and panties. The salesman asks, "Are your parents home." kid says, "What the fuck do you think!"
 
Q: Why aren't there any Korean wrestlers?



A: Because if they got thrown into a corner, they'd build a store
 
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I took my Dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange, and blue.

My Dad kept staring at her.

The teenager kept looking and would find my Dad staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked: the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid "Got stoned once and screwed a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my daughter."
 
Billy Ray gets up early one morning and tells his wife he's going hunting and that she can either go hunting with him, let him fuck her in the ass, or give him a blow job. He tells her that he's going out to load up his hunting gear and will be back to get her decision.

About an hour later, he comes back into the house and asks his wife what she wants to do.

"Well," she says, "I ain't going hunting with you, and you sure as hell ain't fucking me in the ass, so I guess it's gonna be a blow job."

So, she's down there giving him the job when all of a sudden she starts coughing and spitting and says, "Billy Ray, your dick tastes like shit!"

Billy Ray replies, "Well darlin', the dog didn’t want to go hunting either."
 
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