Watcher required $30 p/h

G

gavurlarsizi

Banned
Jan 13, 2014
19
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I would like to preface this by saying that this is not a joke and all joke replies will be deleted. If however, you want to make some extra cash and perhaps have a background in theatre then this is for you.

What is required?

I'm looking for somebody to sit in my room at night and watch over me as I sleep. Recently I have had a lot of trouble sleeping and I think it would be comforting if I knew somebody was there. I'd also like it if you were to wear a small owl costume as you do so.

I have always found great comfort in the idea that owls are the natural lookouts of our world and so it would really help. I'd be prepared to pay you up to $40 if you were to wear the costume and maybe $35 if you don't want the costume but will stick a feather or two to your forehead.

The shift times will vary and i'm really looking for a rotating roster of one or two permanent 'staff'. I was thinking that the ideal candidate would be able to cover 3 nights between the hours of 11pm - 6 am.

I will provide you one museli bar if you get hungry but no dinner breaks. I'd prefer if you didn't face me when you ate the bar as I would find that very offputting even if i'm already asleep. You can of course use my bathroom. But only two hours after I fall asleep to ensure that I won't suddenly wake up to find the room empty.

Please no time wasters.
 


[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEjHPSysxXE]The Legend of DickButt (DickButt The SuperCut) - YouTube[/ame]
 
Ill do it, I have 8 years of as-owl sleep-watching experience, ive made it a professional skill that is unmatched in this competitive job market. Sir, I was born for this job, ever since I was a wee lad I dreamed of a career in as-owl sleep-watching and I can tell you with all of my heart, im the man for the job.

Please call me at 202-456-1414 and I'll be there. I'm sure if you pick me, it'll be a hoot working together.
 
STFU, pewep.

OHxweqR.gif
 
devknob said:
Ill do it, I have 8 years of as-owl sleep-watching experience, ive made it a professional skill that is unmatched in this competitive job market. Sir, I was born for this job, ever since I was a wee lad I dreamed of a career in as-owl sleep-watching and I can tell you with all of my heart, im the man for the job.

Please call me at 202-456-1414 and I'll be there. I'm sure if you pick me, it'll be a hoot working together.
Click to expand...

Thank you. I'll be calling you shortly.

dzianis said:
STFU, pewep.
Click to expand...

Not pewep, maybe CCarter?
 
Dear Sirs,

I would like to apply for this position. My mother was an owl and my father was a night watchman at the local prison. This job is in my blood. I do not require bathroom breaks as I will just shit where I stand. I only eat small rodents so no need to worry about lunch breaks, I will bring my own snacks. I have attached a photo for your consideration.

Owl_Human_Manipulation_by_Bard_SilverSong.jpg
 
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2QDjJ4jYdo]Friends - Chandler's Roommate, Eddie - YouTube[/ame]
 
Sir, I was just about to head out to the local theatre, but then I had a feeling I haven't had since I was a wee boy.

You see sir, as a professional watcher I am protective of my sir at all times. I have found this particular item which may be of some benefit to you.

aY0onNa.jpg




cheshire said:
Dear Sirs,

I would like to apply for this position. My mother was an owl and my father was a night watchman at the local prison. This job is in my blood. I do not require bathroom breaks as I will just shit where I stand. I only eat small rodents so no need to worry about lunch breaks, I will bring my own snacks. I have attached a photo for your consideration.

Owl_Human_Manipulation_by_Bard_SilverSong.jpg
Click to expand...
 
devknob said:
Sir, I was just about to head out to the local theatre, but then I had a feeling I haven't had since I was a wee boy.

You see sir, as a professional watcher I am protective of my sir at all times. I have found this particular item which may be of some benefit to you.

aY0onNa.jpg
Click to expand...


Dear Sirs,

That is my brother. We are twins. My parents refused to buy 2 sets of high school pictures since we both look exactly alike. They didn't care that I am female and he is male. I promise I will not let my brother in the house to rape you while you are sleeping. I have put that guarantee in writing in my brochure to ease your concerns and it is our company motto.

Owl Watchers, LLC
"I won't let my brother rape you while you sleep"
 
Sir,

Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drown. The second mouse, he wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and he crawled out. Sir, I am that second mouse. I guarantee I will rape you at least twice per week.

I've attached my photo for your consideration.

dtXubVd.jpg



cheshire said:
Dear Sirs,

That is my brother. We are twins. My parents refused to buy 2 sets of high school pictures since we both look exactly alike. They didn't care that I am female and he is male. I promise I will not let my brother in the house to rape you while you are sleeping. I have put that guarantee in writing in my brochure to ease your concerns and it is our company motto.

Owl Watchers, LLC
"I won't let my brother rape you while you sleep"
Click to expand...
 
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