Best live support chat script...

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I prefer to use Eliza to answer any support questions.

Eliza: How can I help you?
Me: My server is down. I think it is turned off.
Eliza: Does it make you sad that your server is down?
Me: Yes, it does, now get my server up!
Eliza: Do you want help getting your server up?
Me: No, I want you to turn my server on now!
Eliza: Would you like me to turn your server on?
...
 
what's a good support ticket script, that has a FAQ I can put up, knowledgebase, etc?
 
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