First attempt at landing page - please review

SEO4hire

Albany Plantation SEO
Jul 4, 2009
245
8
0
California
Hello all. I am new to the affiliate marketing game, and am trying to learn all I can as quick as I can. I have created my first campaign, and in the process my first landing page. Please take a look at it and let me know what needs improvement.
 


I would definately bring the call to action above the fold. More content and perhaps some text links to the offer. Also you need a more captivating headline. Be as transparent as possible in your headline so when someone hits the page, they know exactly what they are supposed to do, why they are doing it and how.
 
Agreed. You need to have a Link to the offer above the fold. I would add some color to the background. Also make the header Grab our attention. After these changes are made lets take another look.
 
alignment left right and center. Pick one.

bottom image looks faded

don't put text telling me to click the image below, give me a button to click, and make it shiny.

when you have beautiful set of
when you have A beautiful set of

positiveness?

Only a couple sentences, and they are all run-on sentences. One has 23 words in it. Shorten up to 12 or so.

The copy is not convincing. You seem to make the same statement with different words, over and over again.
 
Don't waste anyone's time here, learn to write or hire someone to write your content. Your sentences suck, your website is bland. Did you use "Yola" to build your page? Jesus h Christ man, the page sucks. Go look at what other people have done for landers and get inspired.

Seriously, hire a writer if that's the best you can do.
 
Well clearly there's some work to be done here... but that's why you're posting :) Adding on what the others have mentioned, make it a point to have a very focused and direction driven approach.

1) Is this a blog style lander? Review? Article? Other? Rather than just a few benefits/features slapped onto a page, try coming from a testimonial or authoritative approach.

2) Define your ideal customer. Who are you speaking to? Then create your copy with that individual in mind.

3) Walk your customer through your page to your desired "Call to Action". The flow of your page def. needs to be improved. Peoples eyes tend to start at the top left, to the headline, to the right, and down the right column (where your CTA should be...above the fold). You have just a brief moment to capture that reader. Come correct with effective elements that hook them and make them inclined to read further.

And just overall
Remember somebody clicked your ad with the intent/hopes of having a solution to that "something". Is your copy and layout compelling enough to make you want to move further? If the answer is no, then keep tweaking and make adjustments til you get your desired results.