Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for
their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &
Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion
was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife Julie.
What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.
The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with
no
long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her
adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and
pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed.
I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed
it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
arc
of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that
burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to
myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two
triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on
intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the
directions
and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on
a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction
of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet
cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to
protect herself against a mugger, I did want
some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my
nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The
directions said that a one-second burst would
shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second
burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss
of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly
make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting
the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device
measuring about 5 '' long, less than 3/4 inch in
circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two
itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no
possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description,
but I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with
her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do
it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a
tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to
give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button,
and .. ... WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!!!!!!
. . .
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side
door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us
both on the carpet, over and over and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both
nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my
left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
position, and tingling in my legs?
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never
heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the
fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed
by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself
with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing
as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You
will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from
your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A
three second burst would be considered conservative?
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a
relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what
little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My
bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from
where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both
nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had
been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure
and my sense of smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe
came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and
I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens
me with it!
'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for
their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &
Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion
was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife Julie.
What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.
The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with
no
long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her
adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and
pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed.
I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed
it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
arc
of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that
burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to
myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two
triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on
intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the
directions
and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on
a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction
of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet
cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to
protect herself against a mugger, I did want
some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my
nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The
directions said that a one-second burst would
shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second
burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss
of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly
make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting
the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device
measuring about 5 '' long, less than 3/4 inch in
circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two
itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no
possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description,
but I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with
her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do
it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a
tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to
give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button,
and .. ... WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!!!!!!
. . .
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side
door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us
both on the carpet, over and over and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both
nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my
left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
position, and tingling in my legs?
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never
heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the
fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed
by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself
with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing
as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You
will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from
your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A
three second burst would be considered conservative?
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a
relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what
little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My
bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from
where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both
nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had
been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure
and my sense of smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe
came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and
I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens
me with it!
'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'
