I Am An Asshole, By Keith
I am an asshole. I'm not sure why. But I am. I used to not be an asshole. In fact people used to tell me that I'm a pretty nice guy. I still get that from time to time. But really? I am an asshole.
Maybe I am an asshole because I've gotten older. As I approach 40 I care less and less about things like who does and does not like me. I care less and less about what I say and how people might take it. I could give a shit about how people see me. As I approach 40, the social stigmas that haunted me as a younger man seem meaningless. My handful of friends are closer then my family ever was. As long as I can have a beer with one them, then nothing else matters.
Maybe I am an asshole because I've lost religion. I was a born again christian for years. My father was a pentecostal pastor through out most my life. And though I never really believed everything I was taught in church, I did have a faith. But as I thought about my faith, and reasoned it out, I just couldn't accept what I was taught as a kid. So, I gave it up, and did as I pleased rather then holding back because of fear of damnation.
Maybe I am an asshole because my father, though a pastor, was also a drunk. Which made him an asshole too. He was loud and abusive and demanding. I sometimes here him when I say things to other people. I hate that I sometimes hear him when I talk, but he is my father and it's inevitable that he will have an influence on me. When I grew up and my parents separated I lost touch with him. It's for the best.
Maybe I am asshole because I spend so much time on the internet. It's really easy to be an asshole on here. It's easy to say anything shitty thing you want to any moron or attention whore without the consequences of the black eye you might get if you said it in person. But, being an asshole on the internet is an important job. It's really important to say something to someone when they are being a moron or attention whore. It's how the internet polices it's self. It's how balance is achieved, how equilibrium is found. Being an asshole on the internet is a thankless job, but an important one.
I wonder if it is not a combination of all of this. I've gotten older, and care less and less about what people might think. I don't believe in Christianity like I used to, therefore am not worried about being nice all the time to avoid going to hell. My dad is an asshole and both nature and nurture play a part in developing my personality. I play a very important roll on the internet that without people like me, all of society will collapse and the next thing you know, it's Mad Max out there and were killing one another for gas.
I'm an asshole. Want proof?
http://www.wickedfire.com/718714-post270.html