160K Master Ecommerce Software Developer

BlokBlok

ᶘ ᵒᴥᵒᶅ
Sep 17, 2010
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Probably one of my favorite resumes ever, some of the gems:

I will not work for less then the 160K/yr minimum, kindly please do NOT ask for me to work for less. 160K isn't a lot.

Agents answer the following questions during our first phone conversation.

What does the company you are hiring for do?
Is the company certified willing to pay $160K/ yr?
Where are the company offices. (I'm staying here in NY -- NO RELOCATION)(I would happily travel to outside NY offices upon hiring as I'm based in NYC)
Is the company ready for a phone interview?
How many employees does the company have?


I'm not coming to the hiring agent's office. 34 yro top white software engineer hardware expert. NO TATOOES or piercings and in great shape. ALL AMERICAN TYPE.

HIRING AGENTs CALL ME ONLY if
1) "I've got a job that pays $160K /yr" .

If you get my voice mail . . .
"I've got 160K/yr. I think I've got the right answers to your questions Here's my number ###-###-#### " I Keith will then call you. No email work. No Resume Modification work. Simply phone to see if we are a match and then a phone interview with the companies top technical person or CEO.

160K Master Ecommerce Software Developer
 


rofl

resume said:
Other jobs and personal info

• 3 Years as an Ocean Lifeguard for the Town of Hempstead
• American Red Cross Certified in CPR For the Professional Rescuer + the Defribulator Machine


• Talented singer, guitar player, song writer
• World Class Surfer
 
Someone please troll the fuck out of him. He claims he's a master developer, yet uses PHP.

Teehee.
 
You could hire 2-3 qualified people for what he knows and demands. So he can code, probably has zero clue about architecture or operation management of an ecom site. I know guys who know a lot more than that doing Websphere commerce and other high end platforms that make on the lower end of $100k+ and that's more reasonable. His resume sucks anyways for $160k, he should have paid some a few hundred to make it look professional instead of looking like douchebag thief.
 
Meh, you guys obviously don't know many really good software types. A highly disproportionate number of them have attitudes like this. Obviously he's an idiot lacking any sense of self-awareness for putting this on a resume, but self-awareness and/or tact are not traits engineers are usually known for. Also, consider the guy is in NYC, where 160k is actually not that much. Bottom line is he's a douche, but really he's a more common douche than you might think.
 
That guy designed cybinsurfboards.com and they've had to shut down since he left, he must have been that good haha!

'$160k isnt much man' haha you get this resume and then you get a guy saying 'i can install magento for $30'

love it :)
 
So whos going to email him first and troll the fuck out of em
 
Also, consider the guy is in NYC, where 160k is actually not that much.

Umm...did you see his exclusion list?

NO
Interactive marketing agencies
Social Networking Sites
Pornography
New Media Distributors
Amway Types
Wall Street Brokerages (Not my forte anyway)
The company has to be a group of GOOD people
 
I just added him to a bulk edu list to be shared with a call center for giggles.
 
well, 150K/year is common for programmers in NYC for example. fuck you cheap asses who only want to pay like 50K/year.

dude has had like a job a year too, wtf
also common for programmers. consider that many programming positions are contract gigs.

i also don't blame him for not wanting to go into a recruiters office for absolutely no reason either. i've been to more recruiter offices than i can count over the past 10 years and it's always the same waste of time just so they can see you're not a fat slob or some bullshit like that. srsly a waste of time to go into an office to talk about stuff you can discuss over the phone.
 
Judging from the number of jobs he held, he must have been working on contract as a consultant going from project to projects. That is probably the best he can hope for. Most big mainstream companies wouldn't consider putting him on staff with no....dare I say it...college degree.