*** ASW - Postwhore Contest #3!! ***

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There's this man who drinks beer at a local bar every night. One night, he came in and had nothing to drink. The bartender was curious and asked him why he wasn't drinking anything.​
The man replied, "I don't drink anymore... Last night, I blew chunks."​
"Oh that's nothing", the bartender replies. "Everyone gets a little sick after drinking at times!"​
"No, No", the man replies. "You don't understand. Chunks is my dog!​
 
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth. The doctor told them that he'd developed a new machine and asked if they'd like to try it. The machine would take some of the woman's pain away and give it to the father thereby easing the mothers burden.​
The couple thought it was a good idea and agreed to give it a try. The Doc set it on 10% to begin with, telling the man that 10% was still probably more pain than he had ever felt. The man was surprised at how little pain he was feeling and asked for it to be increased. The doctor turned it up to 20% with the same results. This trend continued until the machine was set at 100%.​
After the delivery both mother and father felt fine. The wife was relieved at having an almost painless labor and the father was still amazed at how little pain was actually involved. Later, when they took the baby home, they found the mailman dead on their doorstep.​
 
Q: Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?
A: Because his pecker is on his head!
 
Q. What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
A. If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!
 
Q. How can you tell when a women is having a bad day?
A. She has her tampon behind her ear,and she can`t find her cigarette.
 
Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
 
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
 
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
 
What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
 
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