Here's how this Quran-burning debacle is going to play out:
1. In 6 months, heavyt is gonna come around, and reveal the whole thing was his followup to 2girls1cup. (He wanted to do something offline. Something new. Something exciting.)
2. He'll explain how he hired this out-of-work actor named Terry Jones. For $10,000, the dude was willing to leave his wife and kids for a few weeks, and plant himself in Gainesville, Florida. Jones knew the gig was, as heavyt explained, "gonna make a few people mad." The 50-member congregation? Yeah... heavyt's friends and some hired hands.
3. He'll explain he never imagined that it would catch on and blow up like it did. YouTube impressions went off the charts. The NY imam's call? Well, that started with heavyt saying to a couple friends, "huh, huh, huh... wouldn't it be funny if we could..."
4. He'll tell us how things "kinda got a little outta hand." The Vatican's call, flak from Obama and Clinton, and then Petraeus's comments? Total surprise. A good one because the media just ate that stuff up.
5. He'll then explain how Jones came to him recently and told him, "Dude, this is NOT what I signed up for. I got a family, man! I can't be getting death threats! I want out." By this time, donations were already coming in (see, that's how heavyt was gonna monetize). Jones was offered 10%. He agreed to stick around. For now.
6. By this time, things really heated up. Afghans were steaming mad. They threatened to find the pastor, and send him to his maker. This, of course, scared the juice outta Jones who told heavyt, "I'm callin' this whole thing off. Ain't no way I'm dying for $10,000 and a percentage."
And here we are, six months later with heavyt revealing the whole thing to us. He'll share stats, including YouTube impressions, traffic to the "church" website, and donations. Lots and lots of donations.
He'll then tell us his book is gonna hit the stores soon. Big publisher, huge promotion. The book is called , "How To Pwn The World And Become Rich Doing It: The True Story Of A Man, His Laptop, And A Wall Of Monitors (oh, and a bunch of pissed off Afghans)".
The book will become an instant bestseller. heavyt will go on Oprah to help launch his book signing tour.
While on the tour, he'll crash his car (yeah, a Viper). He'll come out of it completely unscathed, but he'll tweet his goodbyes, saying "it was fun while it lasted."