Sup wickedfire,
It's me, the coolest new kid on the forums, noZaw.
MY AWESOME MORNING - GETTING BITCHES AND SLAPPING PUNKS
So today I was at ghetto 76 gas station wearing a tank top that shows off my muscles and how tough I am, all these cholo chicks started checkin me out while their pussy beaner boyfriends didn't do shit but suck up to me "hey bruh! lookin good bruh! =D"
fucken pussies.
While I filled up my ford camry (in 1991, ford and camry did a joint venture to make peace between the U.S. and japan because of pearl harbor), punk ass kids in a van pulled up and started hollerin some unnecessary things..
Kid #1: YO! you're that muscle nerd that does computer business all day huh?? get laid you nerd lmfao!!
noZaw: oh no you didn't
So they sped away and i filled up my ford camry and didnt pay for the gas, no time for that dumb shit. I had some punk ass kids to chase, and i had to maintain my alpha dominance.
As I caught right up to them, I gave them my alpha male look, and then they started crying and got all scared.
When they least expected it they crashed into a stop sign and I looked in the rearview mirror, there was a big mushroom cloud explosion.
noZaw: "ahhh nozaw nozaw. You've done it again."
I thought to myself I'm glad they're dead. One less of a beatdown for some punkass kids.
THE FEDERAL TRADE COMMISSION
I arrived at work 3 hours late as usual. And I look up at the disgusting sign "Federal Trade Commission" - my job is the janitor, the guy who mops the floors. I like to keep the floors extra wet and slippery so faggot ass mother fuckers trip and fall and injure themselves.
love that shit.
while i'm mopping, i hear these 2 nerds talk about the new SEO rules they're implementing. i wish i didn't hear it. (btw, if you didn't know, the FTC makes google their bitch and tells google how to structure their SEO rules. so don't get mad at matt cutts. he's still a faggot. but if a faggot had a faggot for a penis, it's the FTC.)
Handsome nerd: this new rule is gonna absolutely infuriate webmasters.
Troll nerd: hell yea bro! the new rules are totally gonna make everyone at the webmaster forums and at google totally angry. he he he. our master plan.
Handsome Nerd: I can't believe we're naming it penguin 3.0. worst animal. we've done panda and hummingbird. and oh well, eventually we'll get to our favorite animal, the hippo.
noZaw: u fucken what u nerds?
handsome nerd: excuse me. get back to moppin the floors?
*the nerds laugh and high five each other*
nozaw: listen up you fucken girls, i don't give a fuck about your new SEO animal Penguin 3.0. you guys are runnin an illegal conspiracy over here. sounds incredibly immoral and offensive to me. i oughtta report you faggot motherfuckers. wtf is up with that shit? and the hippo? what a fat fuck ugly animal. u gottta be outta your minds.
troll nerd: you don't like the Hippo? our plan is to manipulate the algorithms so that all the webmasters have to go to our BST thread which contains the only solution to ranking your website at the top. effectively wiping out all other BST sellers, making us millionaires int he process. much like what our partners did with Panda-
Handsome nerd: enough troll. look janitor, no one will believe you, after all, you're just a muscle nerd janitor. do your job otherwise we WILL destroy your reputation in the SERPs using our top secret formula. btw. you missed a spot.
About now I'm raged as fuck. gettin made fun of by pansy ass nerds. hippo google update? ruining my SERPS as if my reputation isn't already ruined as a fucken janitor?! what's next? mgrunin releases a sex tape with ryan eagle? this has got to be a joke. I thought the FTC messed up enough when they implemented panda 1.0 but this has gone too far...
CEO: shouldn't you be working?
noZaw: shouldn't you be sucking me dick?
*nerds*: oooooooo
CEO: excuse me?
noZaw: why the fuck is the next google update a fucking hippo. it's the ugliest fat fuck mammal in the animal kingdom.
CEO: pack up your stuff. you're fired.
noZaw: wrong answer nancy..
Hippos are pretty cool actually. I have posters of hippos in my bedroom, and I look up to them as the true alpha males in the kingdom of animals. I even have pictures of hippos in my toilet bowl when I shit.
So I thought "fuck you"
I picked up my broom and whacked the CEO across the face. his glasses snapped in half and the nerds started crying and screaming and hollered over to security. security dragged me out of the building and Im done with that dumbass job.
I went over to galacon's house, tellin the redneck crew what went down and we were all laughin and hollerin before we got back to melting cheese all over galacon's asshole and having our gay mentally handicapped faggot friend fist galacon's asshole. we all had a laugh at that too.
So, if the FTC is in charge of the SEO conspiracy, obviously I can't report this to the FTC. Who should I report this to?
It's me, the coolest new kid on the forums, noZaw.
MY AWESOME MORNING - GETTING BITCHES AND SLAPPING PUNKS
So today I was at ghetto 76 gas station wearing a tank top that shows off my muscles and how tough I am, all these cholo chicks started checkin me out while their pussy beaner boyfriends didn't do shit but suck up to me "hey bruh! lookin good bruh! =D"
fucken pussies.
While I filled up my ford camry (in 1991, ford and camry did a joint venture to make peace between the U.S. and japan because of pearl harbor), punk ass kids in a van pulled up and started hollerin some unnecessary things..
Kid #1: YO! you're that muscle nerd that does computer business all day huh?? get laid you nerd lmfao!!
noZaw: oh no you didn't
So they sped away and i filled up my ford camry and didnt pay for the gas, no time for that dumb shit. I had some punk ass kids to chase, and i had to maintain my alpha dominance.
As I caught right up to them, I gave them my alpha male look, and then they started crying and got all scared.
When they least expected it they crashed into a stop sign and I looked in the rearview mirror, there was a big mushroom cloud explosion.
noZaw: "ahhh nozaw nozaw. You've done it again."
I thought to myself I'm glad they're dead. One less of a beatdown for some punkass kids.
THE FEDERAL TRADE COMMISSION
I arrived at work 3 hours late as usual. And I look up at the disgusting sign "Federal Trade Commission" - my job is the janitor, the guy who mops the floors. I like to keep the floors extra wet and slippery so faggot ass mother fuckers trip and fall and injure themselves.
love that shit.
while i'm mopping, i hear these 2 nerds talk about the new SEO rules they're implementing. i wish i didn't hear it. (btw, if you didn't know, the FTC makes google their bitch and tells google how to structure their SEO rules. so don't get mad at matt cutts. he's still a faggot. but if a faggot had a faggot for a penis, it's the FTC.)
Handsome nerd: this new rule is gonna absolutely infuriate webmasters.
Troll nerd: hell yea bro! the new rules are totally gonna make everyone at the webmaster forums and at google totally angry. he he he. our master plan.
Handsome Nerd: I can't believe we're naming it penguin 3.0. worst animal. we've done panda and hummingbird. and oh well, eventually we'll get to our favorite animal, the hippo.
noZaw: u fucken what u nerds?
handsome nerd: excuse me. get back to moppin the floors?
*the nerds laugh and high five each other*
nozaw: listen up you fucken girls, i don't give a fuck about your new SEO animal Penguin 3.0. you guys are runnin an illegal conspiracy over here. sounds incredibly immoral and offensive to me. i oughtta report you faggot motherfuckers. wtf is up with that shit? and the hippo? what a fat fuck ugly animal. u gottta be outta your minds.
troll nerd: you don't like the Hippo? our plan is to manipulate the algorithms so that all the webmasters have to go to our BST thread which contains the only solution to ranking your website at the top. effectively wiping out all other BST sellers, making us millionaires int he process. much like what our partners did with Panda-
Handsome nerd: enough troll. look janitor, no one will believe you, after all, you're just a muscle nerd janitor. do your job otherwise we WILL destroy your reputation in the SERPs using our top secret formula. btw. you missed a spot.
About now I'm raged as fuck. gettin made fun of by pansy ass nerds. hippo google update? ruining my SERPS as if my reputation isn't already ruined as a fucken janitor?! what's next? mgrunin releases a sex tape with ryan eagle? this has got to be a joke. I thought the FTC messed up enough when they implemented panda 1.0 but this has gone too far...
CEO: shouldn't you be working?
noZaw: shouldn't you be sucking me dick?
*nerds*: oooooooo
CEO: excuse me?
noZaw: why the fuck is the next google update a fucking hippo. it's the ugliest fat fuck mammal in the animal kingdom.
CEO: pack up your stuff. you're fired.
noZaw: wrong answer nancy..
Hippos are pretty cool actually. I have posters of hippos in my bedroom, and I look up to them as the true alpha males in the kingdom of animals. I even have pictures of hippos in my toilet bowl when I shit.
So I thought "fuck you"
I picked up my broom and whacked the CEO across the face. his glasses snapped in half and the nerds started crying and screaming and hollered over to security. security dragged me out of the building and Im done with that dumbass job.
I went over to galacon's house, tellin the redneck crew what went down and we were all laughin and hollerin before we got back to melting cheese all over galacon's asshole and having our gay mentally handicapped faggot friend fist galacon's asshole. we all had a laugh at that too.
So, if the FTC is in charge of the SEO conspiracy, obviously I can't report this to the FTC. Who should I report this to?
