How to tell my sister I can no longer fund her?

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51monty

New member
Apr 30, 2011
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Hi, folks!

I'm in a dilemma, and who better to ask than my fellow gay webmasters?

A few years ago, I was in deep financial shit.

One day, my sister gave a substantial amount of money to my mother and told her to give it to me, without telling me that it was my sister's money, because I might have not accepted it.

I eventually found out about this and I really appreciated my sister's gesture.

Fast forward a few years later - I got out of debt and started ballin'.

My sister on the other hand, got married, had two kids, and started having financial difficulties of her own.

I had already given her the money she had lent me, but I felt obligated to do one better.

So, for the last 4 years, I have been giving money to my parents, and they have been giving it to my sister. I told them to never tell her that it was me who was giving the money. I have repaid her close to 8-10 times the money she had given me, without her knowing it.

Here's the thing though: I feel I'm no longer in a position to provide this kind of support. I need to take care of my own future as well.

So, what should I do now?

I'm thinking of telling my sister that I have been the "mystery donor" all this time, and just let her know that, unfortunately, I'm not able to do this anymore. My sister and I are totally cool with each other. This would stop the financial bleeding on my side. BUT... I fear that my sister, her husband and their kids (when they become old enough to understand), may start harboring negative feelings about me.

The other option is to keep myself out of it, and let my sister think that my parents just aren't able to help anymore. But I don't want my sister to have any negative feelings towards my parents either.

Is there a more diplomatic way to handle this?

Thanks in advance!
 


Well, is there any chance to let them have a source of earning? can you make them a way out so that they can manage themslves..and you don't have to think about them. I think it could do better for both side.
or you can stop giving money for a short period and gather the money to give them a handsome amount to make a business or anything which can save them for ever?
 
I have a question, I guess both you and your sister know what your parents are doing in life and how much money they have, wasn't it pretty obvious that the money is not really coming from them??
 
Afif Naoumi said:
Well, is there any chance to let them have a source of earning? can you make them a way out so that they can manage themslves..and you don't have to think about them. I think it could do better for both side.
or you can stop giving money for a short period and gather the money to give them a handsome amount to make a business or anything which can save them for ever?
Click to expand...

My sister and her husband aren't entrepreneurial, unfortunately.

Knepper said:
I have a question, I guess both you and your sister know what your parents are doing in life and how much money they have, wasn't it pretty obvious that the money is not really coming from them??
Click to expand...

It was pretty obvious to me.

Not so much to my sis.

Thanks!
 
Sit her down, explain the situation and let the chips fall where they may. If she eventually resents you it's not your fault... Did you resent her she only gave you a one time injection of cash? You didn't obviously and she most probably won't either. And she can always ask you directly for more help if needed.
 
JoseArmando said:
Sit her down, explain the situation and let the chips fall where they may. If she eventually resents you it's not your fault... Did you resent her she only gave you a one time injection of cash? You didn't obviously and she most probably won't either. And she can always ask you directly for more help if needed.
Click to expand...

Good points!

Btw, which of you smartasses added the tag (very clever, and funny, I admit)?

Thanks!
 
simple, stop giving money to your parents to give to her. that way the pipeline will close down.
if you did it for so long maybe you should keep it to yourself rather than saying to her " I know you gave me some money a while ago, I've been the one giving you money for the past years".
 
Your sisters kids won't hate you unless some arse will feed negative thoughts on their minds. You did your part, you should be applauded, but you must explain it in a nice and peaceful manner so they could understand.
If I were you, I'll still keep a close watch on the children. Rather than see them headed to a difficult life, If you could help them in a way, it would be nice.
 
from understanding, this is not a problem at all you have a great happy family (mom, dad, sis, brother-in-low, and a niece)And there is a lot of love in the family. Here what you need is communication just tell her what's going on she'll understand cuz she loves you.They know what you have done and it is a great thing too so there won't be a negative feeling.quit worrying dude get it out...
 
Just relax and stop.

I had to cut my sister off. She doesn't call as much because she knows I"ll say 'no' now but that's just how it is for some people.

Move on with life. Nobody will hate you. If they do, don't worry.. they are psycho and will kill you quick... Selena
 
Turn the story into a W channel movie or Christian novel and deed her dem royalties.

Truly though, you're a cool brother and she's a cool sister - sounds like you have a great family and I'm sure she'll understand. No way she knew you'd ever be able to pay her back when she bailed you out, so why would she turn into a person who expected to be paid back 20-fold now?
 
like everything else, this too shall pass. I think you got a great family and you'll all come out of this better people. Best of luck to you and whatever you decide to do :)
 
Hey!
I've been in such situation with my family too. But one day just realized that actually such kind of help is more of my own need - to be useful, to take care, to be important by all means. And I decided to decrease the amount of help - not stop supporting at all, just make it much less.

I suggest you to do the same thing - cut the money you give.
 
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