how would you deal with your child being bullied at school?

[clyde]

This is getting out of hand lol.

In this modern age and time, there's no need for a fist fight anymore, especially when you're 12, you wouldn't want your kid in Juvi, not for self-defense at least. You as an adult should warn the bullies directly and if they don't respond, talk to their parents.

Also shape up your kid's personality so that he doesn't appear weak and have friends.

Sometimes it's a matter of a simple haircut.

To everybody that are talking about being a good street fighter, guns and Bear-Sprays are easily accessible in the US.

This FTW:
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EygQzAFGskQ"]Bruce Lee's advice - YouTube[/ame]

Full Vid.
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF_vh8RRXoU"]Bruce Lee's Jeet Kune Do - YouTube[/ame]

 

[GerardWon]

One of my fears as my son grows up is that he'll be bullied in school. He's 3 now, which is why I tell him, "If anyone pushes you - push them back harder. If they punch you, fight back."

Whether that's good advice or not, I don't know... I don't want him to be a doormat.

I'd recommend telling your son, "Do whatever it takes to protect yourself. If you get in trouble for fighting back and defending yourself I will handle it."

Him knowing that you have his back will increase his confidence. When my parents told me that I'd never get in trouble for DEFENDING MYSELF (not starting shit) I felt bulletproof.

I was six and a big kid took my ball. Went home crying to my mother and she told me "you have to learn to fight your own battles". That was the best thing she Ever did for me.

I remember when I was younger (about your son's age), I was picked on in gradeschool by a certain kid. I asked my dad what to do. My dad told me next time he touches me, to punch him in the nose.

So I did. One day I just completely snapped and beat the shit out of this guy on the playground. You know what happened? He never even so much as looked at me ever again. He was so embarassed that I kicked his ass, he never even told a teacher. The problem resolved itself because I showed him I wasn't going to take his shit.

While I don't promote violence, your son definitely needs to stand up for himself. At that age, you can't "reason" with a bully with words. Let your son know it's okay to defend himself but don't go looking for fights.

He may be the type that is timid and doesn't like to confront other people, but in order to avoid the "bullies" (both now AND later on in life) he needs to learn. Maybe he has low self esteem? Maybe he needs a confidence boost? But most importantly, he probably needs your support.

Sweet.

In middle school, my son kept getting his book thrown down the stairs by another kid in his previous class.

I told him he had to immediatly find an authority figure to tell. I also called his VP to let him know this was going on, and when.

The next time, my son found one of the priniciapls in the hall, told him, and the kid got written up.

Incredibly, the bully confronted my kid the next day in class, complaining he had been written up. My son raised his hand, told the teacher the kid was bothering him - they got seperated, and that was the end of it.

Anyway, you can stick up for yourself with your mouth, and not just with your firsts. Sometimes I think the principals, teachers, etc. really don't want to be bothered - but if your kid starts singing, they have to pay attention.

Bits I love you; But -- you don't live in the world of men. You cannot take shit from dudes. You have to stand up. You have to.

Lol, I love how you simplify it. I'd love to see you walk up on the street, or anywhere else to a UFC fighter and fight him. You have no idea brother, that caliber is beyond what you can even comprehend.

This is the Dunning–Kruger effect, where unskilled people suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability or knowledge much higher than average.

They start making assumptions like "they can just eye gouge a trained ufc fighter" or just "Grab his balls".

Kruger and Dunning proposed that, for a given skill, incompetent people will:

1. tend to overestimate their own level of skill;
2. fail to recognize genuine skill in others;
3. fail to recognize the extremity of their inadequacy;
4. recognize and acknowledge their own previous lack of skill, if they can be trained to substantially improve.

Whats funny, is that ACTUALLY TRAINED people have the opposite effect, once you become skilled...you then learn how deep the skill set gets and you are surrounded with people who are extremely knowledgeable, talented and skillful and so you then compare yourself to them, feeling inadequate and below average even though you are high above average when compared to society as a whole.



I love how people always use these same scenarios, people are always fighting on broken glass and hot lava lol. Where are these kids fighting with broken glass all over the floor?

Even if there IS broken glass on the floor, someone skilled in grappling is going to be skilled enough to be ON TOP with you rubbing YOUR back all over the broken glass, not the other way around.



Jiu-Jitsu was the first art to be USED in the street and fight its way up into the cage, dominating all other styles (Back when there was ball punching allowed and no weight classes) It has only recently had rules added to it.

The difference between "COMBAT FIGHTING" is you "practice lethal techniques" but you cant actually "practice", them. So when the real situation happens, you are not prepared for it. You will perform GREAT in your controlled class situations, but anyone who's actually fought...know that the techniques you learn in class...have to be tweeked in real fights, fighting at 100%

You have to train at 100% to be efficient at fighting 100% Now, if your a combat soldier, and your literally fighting and using these techniques on people learning what works, and what doesn't and tweaking it and compensating for adrenaline etc. Yeah, it can help...but if you think your going to go to a class 2 days a week learning how "Combat fighting" and be ready for street war...your sadly mistaken.




Agree for the most part



Agreed



Wrong, ANY physical talent is going to help you in a street fight. Track-n-field will help you. Being able to out run a group of people trying to jump you might be the best self defense in the world.

I think its funny that you keep assuming that the people getting attacked are being attacked by Navy Seals or something. Your ignorant (and I don't mean that disrespectfully, but I mean it by its literal definition) if you think that an untrained guy, starting a fight with a guy whos been training MMA for 3 or 4 years has an advantage on him.

I don't care if its in a cage, on a mat, in a ring, in the streets in a bar, on glass on lava, on a plane or in the woods. The MMA trained guy is going to have a clear advantage.

Here is a page on one of my websites where I collected youtube fights that show some one with at least SOME level of grappling knowledge fighting against someone with no grappling knowledge. And yes, they are on "teh streetz", broken glass and with friends ready to jump in and stomp them the moment the fight hits the floor.
Videos: BJJ/MM in Streetfights

Yeah, the average person has No Clue as to the skill of a pro. The inherent talent that has been manicured by years of single minded effort.

I would like to point out that in all likelihood a schoolyard fight between two kids, while serious and not to be taken lightly, is totally different than a life and death battle with a total stranger on the street corner -- I always assumed I was fighting for my life when confronted by strangers and I act accordingly. I taught both my daughters how to cup their hands and smack an attacker in the ears to blow out his eardrums -- and some other shit too. But that's not something you'd do to some punk in a typical schoolyard fight.

@op -- Bad deal dude. I mean I have daughters that are not socially awkward so they've never had trouble in school. If your son is not at all athletic there is No real tomorrow solution. For me football taught me that size really doesn't matter. I also loved to slap fight my friends and cousins when I was a kid. I know that nowadays it's different in school than when I was kid -- shit we fought all the time - lol. But bottom line is even if he gets his ass kicked he has to learn to stand up -- he has to learn to be aggressive. Verbally and physically if necessary.

 

[blogspotter]

I am an assistant instructor at Gracie Barra Texas, under Draculino.

Do you type this every time or you just copy paste?
Yes, We get it. You are an assistant instructor at Gracie Barra Texas, under Draculino.


Otherwise good advice. I have been thinking of taking up BJJ or Krav Maga for a long time.. I just can't manage a few hours each week for the same.

OP:
Standing Up, Fighting back and everything is very good. And every kid should learn to stand for something, and also stand up against injustice..

But this is what I think. It is better to handle it with wit and intelligence than with brawn.

Why I am saying this is because I was also bullied. And I handled it with brawn. I know Taekwondo and Boxing. And I can withstand pain a lot longer than the stronger bullies.

BUT.. as I grew up and even those days in school, I noticed there were classmates who were not as strong as me, and who were smaller than me, but they were not bullied. So, getting bullied has a lot to do with the victim as well. I am not saying that he can handle all situations without reacting physically. But there were a lot of kids who were never bullied because they can humiliate the bullied with a wisecrack, or they were quick to report to the Authority.. Not sure... So you need to look at that option. I dont have a kid yet, and I don't really know what he needs to do... But this is some angle I wanted to bring in.

I think others can pitch in...
WHy do some kids get bullied and some kids don't?

 

[HKSEO Rotzee]

Do you type this every time or you just copy paste?
Yes, We get it. You are an assistant instructor at Gracie Barra Texas, under Draculino.


Otherwise good advice. I have been thinking of taking up BJJ or Krav Maga for a long time.. I just can't manage a few hours each week for the same.

Not everyone is stalking me post to post, but aside from the TWO places I said it....yes..I like to promote my school when there is a chance, and it also adds validity when your talking about something.

Usually when you say something as fact, or give a professional opinion...you state your credentials.

 

[TigerUK]

lol learning martial arts isnt the answer, ma can give you discipline and life skills that will help you several years down the line. but it wont do anything to stop bullies.

the problem is that you raised a bitch ass kid, with not enough self esteem to verbally put the bullies in their place.

a confident kid will not get bullied, a kid that has no friends and plays co,puter games all the time will get picked on.

 

[jenzkc]

In this modern age and time, there's no need for a fist fight anymore

yea right... 1/2 the time i go in a bar i feel like i'm gonna get in a fight. that's a reason i don't go to them. always get a bunch of drunk retards acting hard around me.

 

[DewChugr]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDjw0MlJPqQ&feature=related"]mugger owned by karate kick - YouTube[/ame]

 

[Top Broski]

If you do have your son learn self defense or fighting techniques remember the sole purpose of them. It's to build up self esteem and to protect yourself.

You make it clear to your son that he isn't a killer, but no one should lay a hand on him for the wrong reasons. Some bullies find that saying they're going to "beat them up" is only a stupid scare tactic, but if any of those pigs make the wrong decision of touching your son, then he'll be ready to protect himself.

Ex: They try to jump on him, he flips them. They grab his shoulder, he uses their momentum and pushes them away, etc. etc.

Eventually he'll learn to not give a rat's ass about bullies. Remind him to be social active with people, there's strength in numbers. I'm not saying you're going to raise a bunch of 12 year old black belts that are going to go special ops on the whole elementary school, but him just being around with a group will make him less of a target.

 

[-joe-]

Some people here are taking things way too far.

Simple. Tell him if he reacts to them, you'll back him all the way. All it takes. No ten years of Thai Boxing, no BJJ. Just the simple knowledge that there will be zero consequences if he responds to the cocksucker.

 

[BlokBlok]

Nothing wrong with fighting, I got in many fights in middle school with kids picking on me, sometimes I won, sometimes I got my ass kicked. Wouldn't trade it for anything.

I think everyone should get in a couple of fights in their lifetime, it builds character and teaches you not to take shit form anyone. Honey badgers don't give a shit.

 

[WFMax]

My son is 12 years old and is currently being badly bullied at school. I guess a couple of kids at his school constantly call him names, threaten him, etc.
...

So fucking pissed right now, all I can think of at the moment is snapping this bully's neck like a twig.

What would you do if you your child was being bullied hardcore?

I went through the exact same thing with my 12-year-old boy here in the U.S.

Not to be a dick, but first things first: ANY son will benefit from your physical presence nearby. You are the only one who can properly teach him to be a man. Even with split custody, every hour counts.

Nevertheless, here is what I did:

First, I looked after him. I made sure he calmed down. I made jokes about hiring a gang to beat up the bullies and other things that would make my son laugh (your mileage may vary). Also made it very clear that I had his back NO MATTER WHAT. I advised him to fight whenever he felt threatened and pointed out a few weak spots. I made it clear I trusted him to do the right thing and I would defend him against anyone, even if he chose to walk away. He calmed down.

Second, I phoned the Principal AND the Vice Principal (local names vary). I told them both that I was open to their advice (appealed to their mentor nature). I made it clear that he would never be advised to walk away from a fight and that I held them as legally accountable for my son's safety as I was legally accountable for his attendance.

Third, I continued to check in with my son about how was doing in school. He choose a third option. He figured out a way to simultaneously avoid the bullies while making them think they had made friends with him. I still don't understand, but he is pretty smart that way.

All I can continue to do is encourage him to think for himself, fight for himself, and ALWAYS remember that I stand behind him.

Let us know how it turns out!

 

[The Wolf]

1) Move up there
2) Teach him how to make money online.

 

[lordothelog]

Anyway, things I'm currently doing:

- Setting up a meeting with the guidance counselor

- enrolling him in jui-jitsu

- flying up there to give him support for a week (he lives out of state)

- teaching him how to stand up for himself more


So fucking pissed right now, all I can think of at the moment is snapping this bully's neck like a twig.

What would you do if you your child was being bullied hardcore?

Just to confirm you mean brazlian jiu jitsu right? I think at that age any sort of grappling martial art would be a good idea. It provides him with a way to show the bully who's boss, without leaving a mark. BJJ is great for that because it works on bigger guys, if he dominated this kid in front of all his friends there's a good chance the bullying would end. Just make sure he knows never to take it too far etc but I'm sure you've already thought of that.

 

[starklenx]

1)Advice him to be friends with people not to be messed with and that will fight with him
2) enroll him in a martial art class
3) Make him be more sociable. If your kid has a "gang" that dont take shit then your bullies wont be bullies anymore

 

[gbmack]

1. Don't go with your kid to school. All kids think it's lame to be around your parents with other kids, and the bullies would probably bully your kid even more for trying to protect him physically on campus.

2. Persuasively suggest your kid to enroll in jiu jitsu. You want your kid to feel like he's making the effort to learn martial arts on his own. If he feels like someone else is forcing him to do it, he'll hate it. But do NOT tell your kid to use jiu jitsu on people at school. This is against the rules and it'll hurt him more than it will help him (i'll explain this in #3). Tell him only to use it outside of school and only for self defense.

3. Fighting back in schools is a terrible idea, and don't listen to anyone else that's saying that. You have a smart kid who gets good grades. Do you really want him to get suspended from school?

There's a myth that fighting back against bullies will cause them to stop bullying. This is only true in some cases, but it REALLY depends on the situation. Many bullies have an ego problem, and if you fight back, they will fight back harder. Bullies can't allow everyone to know that someone smaller than them beat them up, and they will to "prove" themselves by kicking the smaller kid's ass.

Your kid could learn jiu jitsu, but when you're a 12 year old facing a group of humungous 13 year olds, he won't be able to fend them off.

The best way to approach this is to have your kid AVOID the bullies. Can your kid take a different route to his classes (e.g. go thru different hallways?) If he can, then that's how he should do it. Set up a talk with the school principal and be sincerely pissed, yet concerned. If your kid's locker is around the bullies, ask the school principal to move your kid's locker to somewhere else. Also, keep all of this on the down low and make the process as easy as possible for your kid.

 

[RedFireGreg]

1. Go to school talk to councilor/vp. Tell them about bulking and that it is unacceptable. Listen to them talk shot out of there ass how they will solve problem.
2. Tell your child you want to know the next time it happens.
3. When your child is bullied next storm into the office. Go on a rant about how fucked the admin at the school is. Finish the rant off about how your going home to get your guns and how them how to deal with bullying. ( try to do this out of sight of the students. )
4. Storm out and go home. When you get home relax maybe do some house work start putting dinner on and wait for the police to show up.
5. Police show up, you lawyer up! Sue the school district for doing nothing against bullying. Go to the press. Odds are you will get symphony from the public. You will say publicly that you had no intentions of following through with what you said. You say how sad the school system is when the staff will only do anything if they feel threatened and they don't care for the kids. School district will want to settle. You get money from suing the school. At most you will get a warning/probation for what you said to the staff at the school. No one will mess with your kinds after word gets out. Your children will be
Popular, you will have a better lifestyle due to the extra cash from your lawsuit.
6. You end up with a cool story to tell your grandkids one day.

 

[jenzkc]

This is the Dunning–Kruger effect, where unskilled people suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability or knowledge much higher than average.

They start making assumptions like "they can just eye gouge a trained ufc fighter" or just "Grab his balls".

Kruger and Dunning proposed that, for a given skill, incompetent people will:

1. tend to overestimate their own level of skill;
2. fail to recognize genuine skill in others;
3. fail to recognize the extremity of their inadequacy;
4. recognize and acknowledge their own previous lack of skill, if they can be trained to substantially improve.

Whats funny, is that ACTUALLY TRAINED people have the opposite effect, once you become skilled...you then learn how deep the skill set gets and you are surrounded with people who are extremely knowledgeable, talented and skillful and so you then compare yourself to them, feeling inadequate and below average even though you are high above average when compared to society as a whole.

This is as true with stock trading as it is with fighting.

 

[Tommy Chong]

Lol at all the people advocating him fighting back.

Enrolling him in martial arts is an awful idea. If he goes around thinking he's a badass, people will want to beat him up even more. It's almost like people here have never been to public schools before. When I was in middle school the only kids who were ever "bullied" were the ones that were visibly bothered by others making fun of them. As long as you were cool and easy going you were fine.

The best solution is to help him become more likable. Get him into something others will see as being cool like motocross, paintball, racing go karts or whatever else most kids want to do but their parents won't let them or they can't afford to do.

Homeschooling would also be a good solution.

This is the Dunning–Kruger effect, where unskilled people suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability or knowledge much higher than average.

They start making assumptions like "they can just eye gouge a trained ufc fighter" or just "Grab his balls".

Kruger and Dunning proposed that, for a given skill, incompetent people will:

1. tend to overestimate their own level of skill;
2. fail to recognize genuine skill in others;
3. fail to recognize the extremity of their inadequacy;
4. recognize and acknowledge their own previous lack of skill, if they can be trained to substantially improve.

Whats funny, is that ACTUALLY TRAINED people have the opposite effect, once you become skilled...you then learn how deep the skill set gets and you are surrounded with people who are extremely knowledgeable, talented and skillful and so you then compare yourself to them, feeling inadequate and below average even though you are high above average when compared to society as a whole.

Fighting only shows the lack of skill in avoiding a fight.

Odds are you will get symphony from the public.

 

[rusvik]

Lol at above answer. Try to buy his way into being cool. Way to be a tryhard.

The only correct answer is to make your son gain self confidence. Most likely his mother made him soft, since he only lives with her, she is likely fucking him up and using him as an emotional tampon. Deal with his mother and make her leave your son the fuck alone except be a responsible parent. All children are bullied to some degree but only the ones with bad parenting remains victims. Sorry to say, but deal with this as a father. You need to spend more time with him, take him fishing, drink a beer with him, kill an animal or other manly shit. Get him away from his mother and make him a man.

And teach him to fight and to let him know that getting beat up isn't going to kill you. This is another thing that women and mothers fuck up with being single moms to boys. Because they are weak and fragile and would do anything to avoid physical damage they assume that's the best for a boy, but boys need to fight, get hurt and win fights. Part of becoming a man. Let him just train some boxing lessons, by far the fastest and most easily applicable to a street brawl.

 

[eliquid]

I vote BJJ, fuck getting him more "like able" just so someone doesn't punch him in the face.