Dude, I know on paper the idea of a mustache-beard combo sounds great, trust me we've all been there and there and it's interesting to see what it looks like.
But there comes a time when we all have to realise that it just hasn't worked out like we'd hoped, alpha males like Chuck Norris really have that shit nailed and we just end up expressing our inferiority in one more way. That time of realisation for you, my friend, is now.