OI YOU! Tell me - Is this a GOOD sales letter/idea??

Status
Not open for further replies.
jazzODIN

jazzODIN

New member
Jun 14, 2007
36
3
0
Sorry about the abrubt title on the thread but I really need some feedback. I have created a website based around my state, it's a guide to the restaurants there.
I plan to send out a snail mail letter to many of the restaurants in my area offering them a review for a free meal (well two actually). After I get many restaurants listed and reviewed I'll sell premium spots.
Here's my sales letter:

To the owner/manager,
I’m writing to inform you and your restaurant of a brand new online *Bleep* Restaurant guide – *Bleep*Eat.com. The site aims to compile a collection of many of the best places to eat around *Bleep*, sorting them by cuisine and location and giving customers an idea of what they can expect from yours and other establishments.
If you would like a free review and permanent listing on our website we are more than happy to do this for you. All you need to provide is two complimentary meals for our reviewers and your establishment will have a place in the restaurant guide forever.
Please understand we are not looking to review your restaurant in a bad light just merely trying to highlight what is great about it and compile a collection of the best eating establishments around *Bleep*.
As the site is relatively new and still has far more promotion to undergo we offer a “First in, First Served” offer, those restaurants who choose to participate first will have the upper-most listing in your category, giving you an ideal location.
Naturally with each listing we will provide contact details including your address and phone number allowing visitors to easily make a booking with your establishment.
If you are interested or have any questions please feel free to get in contact with me, my contact details are as follows:
Mobile: 040*Bleep*24
E-Mail: *Bleep*@*Bleep*.com
We look forward to providing your business some more exposure and continuing to highlight the best of *Bleep*'s food.
Sincerely,
*Bleep*

Okay so... comments? Will it work? Will people happily exchange a free meal for a listing? Or wont they see the point?
Peace.
 


How many others of these are around your area? There're a few of these in locally for me, which might make owners cynical.

Don't take it personally, but you could seriously work on that letter. Comments:

  1. Address it personally. To me and to everyone I know in small business, "to the owner/manager" reeks of junk mail. I imagine restaurant owners would be similar. Get a database of these names. Lots of ways to do this.
  2. The tone doesn't instill confidence to me:
    1. You "aim to" (but currently don't).
    2. The call to action is if I would "like" to. Very weak and uncompelling. Have you been in sales before?
    3. Personally I cringe at using "provide": I could 'provide' a meal to you in a chinese food container and courier it to you across the country, cold and half rotting: That's "providing". Qantas "provide" me food when I travel on an economy flight across the pacific, with the rest of the cattle. Restaurants are in the business of "serving". Use their jargon if you want to relate to them.
  3. First-come-first-serve resulting in an "ideal" location is too intangible and inexplicit. They may wonder what you mean by 'ideal'. This is bad, especially for the restaurateurs who may not be seeing the benefit to them. Spell out the benefits explicitly: "increasing your exposure to the clientele interested in your cuisine, and enhancing your branding" or some BS like that.
  4. Cut out "naturally". You risk sounding condescending, or at best unprofessional. Just say "We will provide contact details... ", or "Your listing will show..." etc.
  5. Give them a sample: Invite them to take a look at your website, to see samples of what they get. Even if this means you go out and buy meals and then review it, if you need to get some initial content. Shoot yourself in the foot and make it up, even. Then, tell the restaurant owners the page hasn't launched yet, so there are only sample previews, etc. Whatever. Give them a sample. Sample sample sample. Can I say it again? Sample. elpmaS.

Questions for you:
  1. Do they get a photo in this listing of yours? I'd want a photo if I were taking this up. Restaurants are as much (at least, here in Australia. US seems different.) about atmosphere as the food.
  2. Have you considered what else you could get out of a relationship with them? I can see a few opportunities, here.
  3. This is a permanent listing? Is there another model you could use that's more beneficial? (Yes, there probably is, depending exactly on what you want out of this, in the long term).

Actually, I'm not gonna go on; I'll start my own instead. What city are you in? ;)
 
Last edited:
As someone who runs a small business I would have to say, no, not a good letter. Straight in the bin. You have to remember that small businesses get targeted all the time with scams that are worded just like this. It would be better to make the site first with a few listings, get it up the rankings and then sell the spaces.
 
Total agreement with Skittled. I suggest you look at your letter as a formal email using all the good rules for getting an email read. Add a grabbing subject line use Regarding: Subject. State what's in it for the owner. The owner will come to an immediate cost / benefit decision. If you have a compelling offer, your letter will get read. Finally don't expect the owner to contact you. Follow-up with them. Best time to contact restaurant people is mid afternoon - right after the lunch crowd is done and before they need to get ready for the evening.

Good luck!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom