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[Gooner]

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

 

[Gooner]

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

 

[chrislingle]

• In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.

 

[Gooner]

On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.

 

[chrislingle]

Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.

 

[chrislingle]

When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive

 

[Gooner]

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

 

[chrislingle]

Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".

 

[Gooner]

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

 

[Gooner]

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

 

[chrislingle]

Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.

 

[Gooner]

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

 

[chrislingle]

Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.

 

[chrislingle]

Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.

 

[Gooner]

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

 

[chrislingle]

Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.

 

[Gooner]

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

 

[chrislingle]

• Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.

 

[chrislingle]

• Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.
• Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale.

 

[Gooner]

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.