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1nspire

1nspire

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May 12, 2008
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Today I played golf, masturbated, ran errands, launched a site for a client.

Shot an 86 on a country club course from the tips. Carded 2 triple bogeys and 2 double bogeys. Damn if I can just play 18 good holes instead of 14 I might be actually decent at golf. Maybe I should masturbate first.

Thoughts?
 


Two thoughts come to mind. The first is about a t-shirt I have that says "Genuine Antique Golfer - still playing around after all these years". A bit lame really.
The second is that my girlfriend is always going to the bathroom at work to masturbate when she is bored. Everyone thinks she is taking drugs in there becomes she comes back so relaxed. Fucking horny bitch. Doesn't play golf though.

Hey, you asked.
 
DUDE; WTF...THE DAY IS ALMOST OVER AND YOU HAVE ONLY FAPPED ONCE?????

Really bro, that ain't healthy, your nut sak is screaming for relief. You can't play golf all plugged up like that. See a doctor bitch
 
Shit...that's nothing. I was two under after nine the other day and ended up shooting a 77. Started the back nine off with 2 doubles and just couldn't ever get my shit together. I hadn't really played in a month, so I guess I'll take it.
 
Gotta love a day on the links!!

efeezy said:
Shit...that's nothing. I was two under after nine the other day and ended up shooting a 77. Started the back nine off with 2 doubles and just couldn't ever get my shit together. I hadn't really played in a month, so I guess I'll take it.
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Yeah, I went out last Friday and was 3 over after the first 4 holes. (Only 2 beers in me.) Managed to get 2 birdies over the next 5 holes for a 37 on the front. (5 beers in me now.) 2 bogey's and 3 birdies 10 -14. (No pars and 7 beers in me now.) I then finish with 3 bogeys, and a Double on 18 to shoot a SMOOOTH 77!! (11 beers in me now.)


I think that beer might be my helper between 2 & 6 bottles and my handicap for any over that.

I think I better go back out twice this week and split test the theory!! LOL
 
consider masturbating *while* golfing. somewhere near the ball-washer probably...
 
Midas Touch said:
I then finish with 3 bogeys, and a Double on 18 to shoot a SMOOOTH 77!! (11 beers in me now.)


I think that beer might be my helper between 2 & 6 bottles and my handicap for any over that.

LOL
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With me, anything more than a couple beers on the course severely affects my game. I had two beers on that front nine the other day, and they must have loosened me up just a little too much, because the back 9 was a disaster.

With bowling however, the more I drink the better I get.
 
efeezy said:
With me, anything more than a couple beers on the course severely affects my game. I had two beers on that front nine the other day, and they must have loosened me up just a little too much, because the back 9 was a disaster.

With bowling however, the more I drink the better I get.
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When I use to play 5 days a week YEARS ago, if I had just 1 beer it would wreck my game.

Since I only get out maybe once or twice a month nowadays, I've found that having a few beers seems to let me just play and not think mechanical thoughts.

Friday I was out with my Postman who is also an Ex-Marine and we got to swapping stories of the Philippines, Singapore, and Hong Kong. Needless to say, we lost track of how much & how quick we were drinking out there.

I usually try to average my beers out to 3 a side and usually shoot between 70 and 75 on most any course around here. So, the 77 wasn't that bad for me.

Now shooting pool is a different story. Like your bowling, the more I drink the better I play. It pisses guys off when we are playing for drinks because they seem to get worse and I keep playing better. LOL
 
1nspire said:
Today I played golf, masturbated
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That's a handful.

Hilarious side story here. I was playing 18 two weeks ago and I just sliced it bad into the trees. It was a good slice, too. After it vanishes into the trees we all hear "Ahhhhh!"

So we run over (like 300 feet away) and there's an old guy lying on the ground with one of those golf beanies and red striped pants. He was rubbing his head. He was INSIDE the woods taking a piss apparently when I nailed him.

So the old guy gets up, rubbing his head, and he starts cursing at me, using every word in the book. I tried to be polite and tell the coot that he shouldnt have been in the middle of the woods to piss.

So the guy comes lunging at me, swearing. I had to keep the guy at bay with a simple headlock while my buddies called the Golf Security guy and he was escorted away.

Maybe he was masturbating in the woods, come to think of it. Would explain his anger.
 
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Roundabout said:
That's a handful.

Hilarious side story here. I was playing 18 two weeks ago and I just sliced it bad into the trees. It was a good slice, too. After it vanishes into the trees we all hear "Ahhhhh!"

So we run over (like 300 feet away) and there's an old guy lying on the ground with one of those golf beanies and red striped pants. He was rubbing his head. He was INSIDE the woods taking a piss apparently when I nailed him.

So the old guy gets up, rubbing his head, and he starts cursing at me, using every word in the book. I tried to be polite and tell the coot that he shouldnt have been in the middle of the woods to piss.

So the guy comes lunging at me, swearing. I had to keep the guy at bay with a simple headlock while my buddies called the Golf Security guy and he was escorted away.

Maybe he was masturbating in the woods, come to think of it. Would explain his anger.
Click to expand...

Are you fucking serious, HAAAAAHAHAHAHA! +rep for the nice shot.
 
Roundabout said:
That's a handful.

Hilarious side story here. I was playing 18 two weeks ago and I just sliced it bad into the trees. It was a good slice, too. After it vanishes into the trees we all hear "Ahhhhh!"

So we run over (like 300 feet away) and there's an old guy lying on the ground with one of those golf beanies and red striped pants. He was rubbing his head. He was INSIDE the woods taking a piss apparently when I nailed him.

So the old guy gets up, rubbing his head, and he starts cursing at me, using every word in the book. I tried to be polite and tell the coot that he shouldnt have been in the middle of the woods to piss.

So the guy comes lunging at me, swearing. I had to keep the guy at bay with a simple headlock while my buddies called the Golf Security guy and he was escorted away.

Maybe he was masturbating in the woods, come to think of it. Would explain his anger.
Click to expand...
lol... ur never too old for that
 
efeezy said:
With me, anything more than a couple beers on the course severely affects my game.
Click to expand...

This is generally the case with me too but last week I got tore fucking down while playing with my wife's family. I'm talking fall off the golf cart drunk (full disclosure: my wife was trying to dump me off but still). I generally get around in anywhere from 85-95 (I count all the shots, even penalty strokes, fuckers!) with 4 or 5 breakdown holes keeping me out of the 70's.

Started out kind of shitty, got fucked up, par'd 12 of the last 14 holes (in regulation, couldn't putt to save my fucking life...missed birdie putts on 8 straight holes) with 2 bogies thrown in there, finished up at 77.

Drinking a half rack + shots is now on my golf itinerary.
 
I live right on a golf course, and I can see the 11th hole from my office window. Sometimes it's hard to focus and not just pop down for a quick 9.
 
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