Where do you hire a Kick-ass designer?

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stussy5555

stussy5555

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Dec 12, 2007
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Does anyone else have a hard time finding kick-ass designers?

Most people who offer their services think they are designers, and clearly they aren't. Their design sucks and I can't be wading through anymore god damn "portfolios". And yes, I have already tried elance, etc al.

I'm looking for a kick-ass designer to work on a landing page for me. And many more to come if they are good. Someone who ...

- Understands usability and doesn't just throw shit on the page to take up space. Someone who understands how to make the call to action POP on the page without yellow blinking text
- Understands multivariate and A/B testing - aka can design a few versions of one landing page and understand why they are doing it and the value of it. Can help ongoing until the final design is reached through testing
- Understands that I need the user off the landing page and on the next page, YESTERDAY
- Can code the page in CSS and integrate Javascript (optional but would be nice)

Anyone got someone who does kick ass work who is looking for more work?

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stussy5555 said:
I'm looking for a kick-ass designer [...] Someone who ...

- Understands usability and doesn't just throw shit on the page to take up space. Someone who understands how to make the call to action POP on the page without yellow blinking text

- Understands multivariate and A/B testing - aka can design a few versions of one landing page and understand why they are doing it and the value of it. Can help ongoing until the final design is reached through testing

- Understands that I need the user off the landing page and on the next page, YESTERDAY

- Can code the page in CSS and integrate Javascript (optional but would be nice)

Anyone got someone who does kick ass work who is looking for more work?
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Out of your list of qualities you can usually get:

design skills + usability

usability + coding

less frequently you can get design skills + usability + coding

Adding direct marketing skills ( understanding landing page best practices & the testing process ) is a rare.

I can do usability + coding + direct marketing, but I'm not a designer.

The only guy I know who might hit all four skills is this guy: Web graphics guru develops graphics for web sites worldwide - Design Guru Ryan I've never worked with him, but I'm on his email list, and he certainly talks a good game.

Expect to pay top dollar.
 
Good designers don't get out of bed for the kind of money most people are willing to pay for a landing page. So more often than not you are stuck with some guy who downloaded a cracked copy of CS3 and starting calling himself a designer.

Sometimes you will get lucky, but more often than not they are garbage.
 
Create your own designer.

There are several third-word countries where you can buy children and take them home with you. Just about anywhere you go, there's a surplus of children. Try to pick one that's fairly smart-looking. You'll find it easier to get him or her into the US if you have a few movies under your belt or are famous in some other way, but with a little creativity (think fake floorboards) you can have a potential world-class designer of your very own.

Anchor the child in front of a computer. Feed intravenously. Encourage creativity with frequent, random beatings. Meet deadlines by giving the child a puppy, then threatening to kill the puppy if "good work" isn't done by the time the timer goes off.

After several years of this, you'll have your own world-class designer. Long-term investments are the best.
 
jdomaha said:
Create your own designer.

There are several third-word countries where you can buy children and take them home with you. Just about anywhere you go, there's a surplus of children. Try to pick one that's fairly smart-looking. You'll find it easier to get him or her into the US if you have a few movies under your belt or are famous in some other way, but with a little creativity (think fake floorboards) you can have a potential world-class designer of your very own.

Anchor the child in front of a computer. Feed intravenously. Encourage creativity with frequent, random beatings. Meet deadlines by giving the child a puppy, then threatening to kill the puppy if "good work" isn't done by the time the timer goes off.

After several years of this, you'll have your own world-class designer. Long-term investments are the best.
Click to expand...

what the fuck? If that was supposed to be funny it fails miserably.
 
Dr_Ngo said:
Hire a person really good with websites/graphic designs. Then you'll have to train them in order to make the page convert.
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I agree with that.

Find your designers at 99designs.com. You can post a contest to sort out the talent (I held 2 and the second time around I found a really good designer). Or you can just browse portfolios there and contact designers directly. Either way, it's the best place to find talented designers that I know of.
 
jdomaha said:
Create your own designer.

There are several third-word countries where you can buy children and take them home with you. Just about anywhere you go, there's a surplus of children. Try to pick one that's fairly smart-looking. You'll find it easier to get him or her into the US if you have a few movies under your belt or are famous in some other way, but with a little creativity (think fake floorboards) you can have a potential world-class designer of your very own.

Anchor the child in front of a computer. Feed intravenously. Encourage creativity with frequent, random beatings. Meet deadlines by giving the child a puppy, then threatening to kill the puppy if "good work" isn't done by the time the timer goes off.

After several years of this, you'll have your own world-class designer. Long-term investments are the best.
Click to expand...

A PUPPY.... thats what ive been doing wrong. you sir are a life saver.
 
Fat Tom said:
A PUPPY.... thats what ive been doing wrong. you sir are a life saver.
Click to expand...

Remember: the more sensitive the child, the better a designer you'll get at the end of his training.

Puppies are definitely the best option, but we have, in a pinch, used other animals. Snakes, lizards, fish and birds have worked. Spiders, pillbugs and pictures of animals do not work.
 
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