Witness your sheeple in action

AdExhibitJason

AdExhibitJason

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Apr 12, 2008
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes

feel free to post some of the good ones.



Now In Original & Extra Bandwidth Flavor

Restaurant | Austin, TX, USA
(I work at a sandwich place, where we have signs up promoting free Wi-Fi. A uninformed lady comes in to the store.)
Lady: *looking the menu over and over* “How big is the serving of free Wi-Fi?”
Me: “I’m sorry, can you say that again?”
Lady: “The serving of Wi-Fi, how big is the free portion? Can I pay extra and get a bigger one to share with my husband, or can we get two cups for free?”
Me: “The Wi-Fi is a signal for computers that can connect to the internet wirelessly…it isn’t something edible.”
(She looks around for a long time, checks her phone and then walks out.)
 


This one made me chuckle pretty good

Video Rental | Canada
(I am a female employee. A customer came in asking me to look up a movie about NASCAR that was not in our system.)
Me: “We actually don’t have that movie in our system at all. Sorry about that.”
Customer: “The movie is called ****. It’s about a NASCAR driver.”
Me: “Yes, I looked up the title, and we don’t carry that movie at all.”
Customer: “Well, maybe you could ask your manager to look it up for me.”
Me: “Yes, of course.”
Customer: “It’s just that women don’t generally know much about NASCAR. I mean, it’s nothing personal. I know that I wouldn’t be interested in learning how to knit, or how to wash a dish.”
Me: “…”

And one more because this one almost made me piss myself.

Video Rental | Henniker, NH, USA
(This is late at night at the video rental store, and I’m a teenage girl working by myself. A man walks in and stands there grinning.)
Me: “Um, hi, can I help you?”
Customer: “Sucks to be you!”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: *pulls his arm in front of his face like Dracula* “I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!”
Me: “Uh…are you looking for Dracula videos…?”
(At this point, we hear a car pull up.)
Customer: “AHH! WITNESSES! DRACULA, AWAY!” *runs out*
 
(At the golf course where I work, it’s been a very a hot day and an older man unfortunately has a stroke/heart attack in the middle of the range. The course is at a remote location, so a medical helicopter is called in and lands in the middle of the range. Another golfer comes over, obviously upset.)
Golfer: “It’s my tee! I want to take my shot but the helicopter is blocking it.”
Me: “Sir, there’s a medical emergency on the range so you’ll have to wait for a little while.”
Golfer: “But it’s my shot! I pay good money to play here and it’s my shot!”
Me: “Sir, someone may be dying over there. Please have some patience. It shouldn’t take long until they lift off.”
Golfer: “If they get hit, it’s their own fault.”
(The man then pulls a club out and before I can stop him, he swings and hits the helicopter.)
Me: “Sir! For God’s sake, stop!”
Golfer: “It’s my tee! They can just blame themselves for being in the way. I don’t have time for this!”
(I ended up reporting him to the caddie master and range supervisors. His license was revoked and was banned from playing there ever again. Thankfully, the helicopter was not damaged and the patient was saved.)
Click to expand...

Hahahahaha
 
(A couple comes up to me looking for something to help against attacking cougars. I recommend bear spray, a high-power pepper spray to repel predators.)
Customer: “Nah, we don’t need bear spray. Sometimes that stuff just pisses them off, y’know?”
Me: “Well, in some rare cases–”
Customer: “Hey what are those?” *points at 18″ machetes*
Me: “Those are machetes.”
Customer: “That’s perfect! That’s just what we need. If there’s a cougar we don’t need no Bear Spray! We’ll just fight ‘em off with this!”
Me: “Okay…you sure you wouldn’t like some bear spray, too? Just as a first option?”
Customer: “Nah, sometimes that just pisses them off!”
 
(An customer wearing the famous “I F**K on the first date” t-shirt is at our video rental store complaining about a charge on her account. Note that she also has her four year-old daughter with her.)
Customer: “You f***ing peons make seven dollars an hour, and you think you can tell us what to do?! You lost that movie yourself!”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do–”
Customer: “No, but you will be sorry! I expect a heart-felt apology to my face!”
(The customer storms out of the store with her daughter in tow, but before I can get to the next customer she comes back in.)
Customer: “My daughter is bawling because of you! So, thank you! THANK YOU!”
(She kicks the door on her way out and goes back to her car. I take a deep breath and put my smile back on.)
Me: “I can help who’s next!”
Next customer: “Did she just call you a peon?”
Click to expand...

lmao
 
Man, I worked at a gas station in Orlando when I was 18. This "person", we never could figure out if it was an old man with breasts or a very ugly old woman, came in every day and complained that we were giving it cancer because of the gas spilling on the ground.

The fucker didn't care that all the employees in Orlando were allowed to smoke behind the counter (which was great) and the old lady I worked with smoked 2 packs/shift haha.

That same store, I always dropped change into peoples sweaty disgusting hands because it was typically 90 degrees every day. About 1 out of 50 black guys would say "What you don't touch black people's hands??" I always had to assure them that I don't touch anyone if I can help it.

On a positive note, about every 2 days some mystery woman would call and say:
"This is going to sound crazy but would you be interested in a blow job?" I got her to tell me she was 33 with long brown hair and big boobs but never did figure out who it was. Seriously she called every 2 days for 9 months. Ha. Made me feel special.
 
Fat Tom said:
Video Rental | Henniker, NH, USA
(This is late at night at the video rental store, and I’m a teenage girl working by myself. A man walks in and stands there grinning.)
Me: “Um, hi, can I help you?”
Customer: “Sucks to be you!”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: *pulls his arm in front of his face like Dracula* “I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!”
Me: “Uh…are you looking for Dracula videos…?”
(At this point, we hear a car pull up.)
Customer: “AHH! WITNESSES! DRACULA, AWAY!” *runs out*
Click to expand...

That was about as funny as aids.
 
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