Are hugs really that intimate of a thing? (In Japan)

What do you think...

  • I deserved to get my ass kicked

    Votes: 16 35.6%

  • I should've kicked his ass for being a dick

    Votes: 29 64.4%
  • Total voters
    45
C

CLKeenan

Banned
Jun 24, 2006
2,506
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Boston, MA
So I'm in Japan and we I'm with 3 friends from work and were looking for a bar to go to. As were walking around we run into this young japanese couple (they were in their 20s) and theyre extremely friendly and they took us to a bar and ordered the first round for us.

The boyfriend then leaves for someone reason so its just us and his girlfriend for an hour or so. We're all talking and having a good time. As we're getting ready to go, the japanese girlfriend is like 'friends?' and reaches out to give me a hug. I'm like sure, whatever, I'll give her a hug.

Before I can even give her a hug, her boyfriend shoves me back and is like 'thats my girlfriend man! do you know where you are? i'll kill you!' and goes off for like a good minute. Meanwhile, I'm like 'wtf is this guys deal?' and I have no plans on getting in a fight over a girl when I have no interest in her whatsoever so I'm just like 'whatever man be cool I dont want any problems'.

Did I basically rape his girlfriend in his mind? What was the deal with that?

My experience in american bars is that once you've been in a bar drinking for over an hour with people you just met, you're at the level where a hug isn't weird. Even when I was in London, and met up with some tourists from Corsica we all hugged and even kissed on the cheek as we were parting ways after a night of drinking. So I didnt think I did anything wrong or offensive.
 


I would have gone for the sneaky grope.
 
Sounds like he's pathetically insecure or extremely traditionalist. There are cultural norms, yeah, but who gives a shit these days?
 
You should of told him she gave you a blowjob when he was gone, he would of left and you could of sealed the deal with your new Japanese friend.

Just sounds like an insecure sob to me.
 
Alright, good to see that I'm not completely out of touch. The 3 people from work were making it out to be my fault asking me like 'why would you even hug her?' ... 'you dont even know her'

Like if my girlfriend hugged a guy that we had met at the bar, had been talking to all night, and I was cool with, I could care less. So its not like I'm holding some type of weird double standard
 
Heh. I don't know about Japan but Americans are equally as weird. Actually our norms are probably worse because they're so confusing. Like you said it would be appropriate to hug after chatting with someone for a while, even though it's still strictly platonic. Yet guys (with other guys) don't hug except at really weird times...you just kinda have to know when the right time is. Americans observe a very strict, albeit unconscious, bubble of space and when someone comes into your space it's EXTREMELY uncomfortable. When I lived overseas I had issues with people from Europe constantly in my space (damn touchy feely Europeans ;) ) I'm sure they thought I was the uptight American. And what's with all the damn kissing? Hugging is great, I love hugging, but get your freakin lips off me! So yeah It's no wonder other cultures are confused with Americans we're like a big confusing national tease.
 
Dunno about US or Japan, but Europe (UK) a kiss on the cheek to a woman you've just been introduced to by a mutual friend is also quite acceptable.

Very odd reaction imo.

Just read Turbo's response above and find the cultural difference quite amusing, even in the UK which is culturally more similar to the US than mainland Europe and especially the Mediterranean countries.
 
been friends with girls from korea, japan, indonesia and thailand, hugging is not a normal thing in their cultures, especially in public. It's actually embarrassing often.

All that said, I don't offer hugs here in America either. It's up to the girl in my mind to initiate the hug. that way, not your fault if she gets creeped out.
 
shawns said:
All that said, I don't offer hugs here in America either. It's up to the girl in my mind to initiate the hug. that way, not your fault if she gets creeped out.
Click to expand...


...contemplating this. Yes you're right if you don't know the guy that well and you just met it should be up to the girl to initiate a hug.

If it's someone you've known for a while, or family friend, or close friend of your spouse or S.O. then usually it's ok if the guy initiates it. But if you think about it it's not the hug that's creepy it's the amount of time behind the hug that can be awkward. If it's an unusually long hug for someone you just met that's weird, if it's a quick 'hey I know you you're cool we're friends' hug then it's totally fine.
 
asian men know that getting a woman is really hard for them because women like everything but asian men.

thats why he's flipping out.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63bWYFGBTuE"]YouTube - Why asian guys can't get white girls[/ame]

a closer look.
 
Rough translation of what the BF said: "WHITE MAN STEALIN' MAH WOMAN OH NOES YOU DIDIN'. I KNEEL YOU!!!!!"
 
A kiss on each cheek is the norm here in Spain when saying hello and goodbye, whether you've just met them or have been friends for a long time.

One of the first times I was out here for a night on the town a girl from work introduced me to a friend of hers and so I stuck out my hand to shake hers, she stepped up and planted a kiss on both cheeks and said "that's how we do it here". I thought to myself, "well damn, welcome to Europe".

I just gotta remember not to do that shit when I go back home to Canada or meet Turbo in person.

It also makes for lengthy hellos and goodbyes if you are out in a large mixed group of like 20 people.
 
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