The Joke Thread

Mickey Mouse is in court getting a Divorce.
The Judge says, "I don't see why you should divorce Minnie if she's crazy."
Mickey says, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy!"
 


So this guy is fucking is girlfriend and he decides to put it in her ass. As soon as he does she turns around and says, "Don't you think its a little presumptuous to just put but it in my ass." And he replies, "Don't you think presumptuous is a big word for a 10 year old."
 
So ChrisS is fucking is girlfriend and he decides to put it in her ass. As soon as he does she turns around and says, "Don't you think its a little presumptuous to just put but it in my ass." And he replies, "Don't you think presumptuous is a big word for a 10 year old."

Fixed it for you.
 
BUMP

A guy walks into a bar in a town with no women and asks the bartender, "How can you live in this town without any women?". The bartender replies, "It's not that bad, when we get lonely we go out back where there is a barrel with a knothole in it. So after a few beers, the guy starts getting a little lonely and tells the bartender he's gonna go find the barrel. So he walks up to the barrel and sticks it in the knothole. After about 5 minutes he walks back to the bar and tells the bartender, "Man, that barrel was awesome!! How much do I owe ya?" The bartender replies, "Nothing, but it's your turn to get in the barrel".
 
Two flies ordering food in restaurant.
The first said to the waiter:Give me the biggest shit that you have and put a lot of onions in
Second one says:For me just shit
After the waiter left first fly asked second: Why do not you try it with onion ?
Nooo, onion gives me bad breath
 
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, she's been told twice already.



If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?


Made her chain too long.



How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.
 
How to pick up black girls:
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How to pick up jewish girls:
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A man is in a checkout queue in the supermarket when he looks back and sees the hot chick behind him, smiling at him like she knows him.

Her face is familiar, but unsure of who she is he says "I’m sorry, but do we know each other?"

She replies "You're the father of one of my kids" with a smile on her face.

The man’s heart nearly stops as he thinks back to the one and only time has was unfaithful to his wife, at his best friend’s bachelor party.

"Are you the stripper?" he asks, "who rubbed whipped cream all over me and then we went back to my hotel room and had sweaty hot sex on the floor."

Shocked, the woman replies, "No, I’m your son’s math teacher."