I Think I Have the Worst Neighbors Ever

Move to Idaho. Somebody trespasses on your land, you can shoot them, as long as it's not in the back. If you don't have the sack for that, at least buy some guns and clean them every day on the front step while glaring at the little cocksuckers. I hate white trash, unfortunately, they're ferocious breeders and are taking over this country.
 


315mp04.jpg


+

2r407qw.jpg
 
The problem is you want to protect your self but you do not want to harm them.

Often the ONLY way to protect yourself is to fuck your enemies.

Shooting the kids maybe unwise. Putting booby trap is not legal. Consult an attorney.
 
markus said:
I know what you're going through. I had a similar issue until about 6 months ago when both of the neighbors kids moved out about the same time.

Video surveillance is a good start, but here's what I propose:

- Fabricate pepper spray to motion detectors for trouble areas in the yard

- Leave bait wired to 220v (please, take my shovel)

- Creative uses of Funny Pranks with Liquid ASS. (super soaker by remote with video surveillance? Use with paintball gun? )

Just want to have fun with them?

duct tape their doors shut at 3am so they can't get out the next day.
More extreme, use hydraulic cement.

If they have a metal screen door - take an extension cord and cut off the female end. Strip the wires, attach to the door, and plug in the other end.

go to Sams club and buy 6 huge bags of economy size fruit loops.
wait until about 2 in the morning.
( Best before a big rain)
Dump and spread the fruit loops all over the yard. Let it rain then their grass will be about 8 different colors for about 3 months.

Remove the lock on their electric meter. They'll probably be suspected for tampering and get a fine. You could also roll it forward so they get a big bill.

Also, if you can get in their house when they go out... too many opportunities. Like installing an alarm in their attic with a remote.

spread poison ivy seeds in their yard
paint his front door pink in middle of night
use a pin, poke holes in eggs and leave in his yard to ferment. bonus points if you let them to stink first and get on his roof and drop down vents.

Other
If his mower is accessible, swipe the blade. JBweld their mailbox. Cancel his utilities (from pay phone). say you're him and going on a trip for a month. If you get into their car, place a heavy guage jumper wire from the horn to the brake switch behind the pedal. The result is honking every time they use the brake pedal. You might also get a bunch of bags of fertilizer (just the bags - lots), stash in his yard, and call homeland security.

Two final words - fecal attack.

You might start to keep the car in the garage.
Can you get a restraining order, even if its for kids?
Also, talk to a lawyer for options.
Don't abandon your castle.
Click to expand...

Fuck man. This sounds like something you'd read at TOTSE. It's been quite a while since I've laughed this hard.

EDIT: There were a couple of articles I've read there that could actually help you out. This idea is simple yet effective. I've done it:

http://totse.totse2.com/en/bad_ideas/irresponsible_activities/howtogetbackat174362.html

There were better ones but I'm too lazy to find 'em. I'd have a look around TOTSE for some great ideas.
 
slickcooldude said:
if you don't want to slum as low as it takes to do a shitbrick, you could get your hands on some thermite. put the thermite in a soda can, put it on top of the hood of the guys car and ignite it. sit back and laugh as the molten thermite burns at 3500 degrees right through his engine and into the ground.
Click to expand...

then you go from vandalism to arson (especially if that shit hits the fuel line).
 
markus said:
I know what you're going through. I had a similar issue until about 6 months ago when both of the neighbors kids moved out about the same time.

Video surveillance is a good start, but here's what I propose:

- Fabricate pepper spray to motion detectors for trouble areas in the yard

- Leave bait wired to 220v (please, take my shovel)

- Creative uses of Funny Pranks with Liquid ASS. (super soaker by remote with video surveillance? Use with paintball gun? )

Just want to have fun with them?

duct tape their doors shut at 3am so they can't get out the next day.
More extreme, use hydraulic cement.

If they have a metal screen door - take an extension cord and cut off the female end. Strip the wires, attach to the door, and plug in the other end.

go to Sams club and buy 6 huge bags of economy size fruit loops.
wait until about 2 in the morning.
( Best before a big rain)
Dump and spread the fruit loops all over the yard. Let it rain then their grass will be about 8 different colors for about 3 months.

Remove the lock on their electric meter. They'll probably be suspected for tampering and get a fine. You could also roll it forward so they get a big bill.

Also, if you can get in their house when they go out... too many opportunities. Like installing an alarm in their attic with a remote.

spread poison ivy seeds in their yard
paint his front door pink in middle of night
use a pin, poke holes in eggs and leave in his yard to ferment. bonus points if you let them to stink first and get on his roof and drop down vents.

Other
If his mower is accessible, swipe the blade. JBweld their mailbox. Cancel his utilities (from pay phone). say you're him and going on a trip for a month. If you get into their car, place a heavy guage jumper wire from the horn to the brake switch behind the pedal. The result is honking every time they use the brake pedal. You might also get a bunch of bags of fertilizer (just the bags - lots), stash in his yard, and call homeland security.

Two final words - fecal attack.

You might start to keep the car in the garage.
Can you get a restraining order, even if its for kids?
Also, talk to a lawyer for options.
Don't abandon your castle.
Click to expand...


^--- This is pure gold. Add the cameras, and you can pitch a reality show...
 
SUP3RNOVA said:
To make a long story short, one of my neighbors (I of course am their only neighbor, empty lot on the other side of them) has children that are the devil in it's purest form. I live in a nice family development but these rednecks work landscaping and dual-incomes so they can afford a nice place.

The husband is a wife-beater, they won't stop having kids, they have a neglected dog and just got another one, and the kids now are between 2 and 14 it looks like (4 kids I believe). One of the kids has been kicked out of elementary school already and tried to kill himself.

Here's what they've done to me and my house :

-turned my water pumps on and left them running (just found out about this today)...it flooded my basement and cracked the concrete

-keyed my car...$500 to fix it

-stole my mortgage bill from my mailbox the first week I moved in. one of my other neighbors returned it to me

-stole my shovel, hockey stick, and golf driver

-throw rocks at my dog

-run across my yard all day

-knock on my windows and then run away

-swear at me and friends that come over


Other neighbors have called the cops on the kids, I've yelled at them, I've briefly talked with the parents a while ago...nothing changes and they don't care about what anybody says. Their kids just roam around the block all day doing whatever they want and the parents have NO clue what they're doing, and don't care.

What's the best thing that can be done about this? Calling the cops has already proven to do nothing, talking to them will do nothing (except maybe provoke him to beating his kids), and suing them will probably lead his hillbilly ass to pumping me with a shotgun.

They need to either go to jail or just gtfo of the block. In the mean time I'm going to be putting my house up for sale and trying to get out myself.
Click to expand...


I had a similar problem. Fixed it very easily by calling the cops EVERY single time they fucked up. Eventually THEY moved out. Don't talk to them just call the cops and that's it... it's simple and it works.

Way I figure is I pay taxes so they uphold the peace, so let them do their freakin' job...
 
markus said:
I know what you're going through. I had a similar issue until about 6 months ago when both of the neighbors kids moved out about the same time.

Video surveillance is a good start, but here's what I propose:

- Fabricate pepper spray to motion detectors for trouble areas in the yard

- Leave bait wired to 220v (please, take my shovel)

- Creative uses of Funny Pranks with Liquid ASS. (super soaker by remote with video surveillance? Use with paintball gun? )

Just want to have fun with them?

duct tape their doors shut at 3am so they can't get out the next day.
More extreme, use hydraulic cement.

If they have a metal screen door - take an extension cord and cut off the female end. Strip the wires, attach to the door, and plug in the other end.

go to Sams club and buy 6 huge bags of economy size fruit loops.
wait until about 2 in the morning.
( Best before a big rain)
Dump and spread the fruit loops all over the yard. Let it rain then their grass will be about 8 different colors for about 3 months.

Remove the lock on their electric meter. They'll probably be suspected for tampering and get a fine. You could also roll it forward so they get a big bill.

Also, if you can get in their house when they go out... too many opportunities. Like installing an alarm in their attic with a remote.

spread poison ivy seeds in their yard
paint his front door pink in middle of night
use a pin, poke holes in eggs and leave in his yard to ferment. bonus points if you let them to stink first and get on his roof and drop down vents.

Other
If his mower is accessible, swipe the blade. JBweld their mailbox. Cancel his utilities (from pay phone). say you're him and going on a trip for a month. If you get into their car, place a heavy guage jumper wire from the horn to the brake switch behind the pedal. The result is honking every time they use the brake pedal. You might also get a bunch of bags of fertilizer (just the bags - lots), stash in his yard, and call homeland security.

Two final words - fecal attack.

You might start to keep the car in the garage.
Can you get a restraining order, even if its for kids?
Also, talk to a lawyer for options.
Don't abandon your castle.
Click to expand...

Sure fire tickets to state prison. Maybe slap on a manslaughter/murder charge for the extension cable to metal screen idea.
 
Get a bigger dog. I got myself a rottweiler a few years back. Best investment ever. Nobody comes near my place. All the neighbors are scared to death of my dog haha. She's a real sweetheart honestly but she looks vicious, which is enough. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom