I'm Living A Lie, But Too Afraid To Leave.



InternetAuthor said:
Really?

I've been married ten years. I got married at 21 and I'm sure as hell not a quitter. In my experience there are quite a few overly emotional women out there who make rash decisions and they mesh reasonably well with the overly emotional men who think the world revolves around a pair of testicles and their right to happiness and the endless adoration of women. Fortunately, I'm not married to one of those and my husband isn't married to the stereotyped crazy female.

Read back through the thread. You have a man bitching about how he doesn't love his wife, how he's living a lie and how he wants to man-whore it up around the world. He's looking for an out - not a fight.

If he's lamenting, by all means he can fix it. He should have spoken to his wife already about it instead of whining on a public forum. In fact, he's probably already cheated on her and is too scared to put that in writing and is looking for justification for his behavior from others. Fortunately for him, plenty of other guys here have readily given him lots of kudos for considering the possibility - this is obviously a question of maturity, not gender. The fact that you (both) immediately tried to play a gender card doesn't speak well of your maturity, either, by the way.

I, like a fair portion of the other responders, fully believe in long-term relationships. But a relationship is a two-party system with open communication and honesty. If one person isn't committed or is screwing around on the other, the relationship is sick, dying or dead. Should the wife should stand patiently by while he "works it out" without a clue what's going on? I'm simply saying she has rights in the relationship, too. With the right information, she might decide she's open to an alternative lifestyle, too, but nobody will know if he never asks or offers to include her.

Should he fight for his family - of course, I won't argue that. In fact, I already suggested it in the second half of my original post. A real couple would already be fighting through the differences together if they really wanted the relationship to work. But this guy isn't a fighter:

"Now, at 28 years old, and after 5 years of marriage, I have stopped believing in everything, God and marriage included. I just don't believe people are truly happy living this life, and I don't believe that we were meant to suffer through life being holy so we can go to heaven.

I haven't had anything insane happen in my life, and my wife is a loving caring woman, but I just don't want to do it anymore. I have held in my desires for so long, that all I can think about is partying, travelling the world, and fucking thousands of women.

I am currently living a lie. I go to church every Sunday with my wife and her family. I volunteer. I act like everything is fine. When I am alone I drink, I go to strip clubs, and more."

Strip clubs and more, eh? So when he infects his wife with some venereal disease then gets some other chick pregnant as he figures out if he's willing to "fight for his family", she should stand idly by to help him - perhaps with an ongoing prescription for herpes in one hand and a freshly made sandwich in the other?

He's made up his mind - he wants out, but it sounds like he can't commit to being a man and just walking away OR ponying up to the fight. Instead he's dragging her through his indecision. I have a ton of respect for people who fight for a lasting, loving relationship, too. This guy isn't fighting.
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You sound very judgmental towards him.

You know if you just flipped genders, you would have a Hollywood movie called Eat Pray Love right?

There might be a lot of people chastising him here, but nobody here is in denial of the sacrifices involved in a marriage for men. And there's nobody here who's in denial of the fact that the life he describes he'd rather have is something all men would rather have than be married.

I can't blame you for not understanding how guys think.

But I can let you know that you don't understand the thought process and experience of a man and you're judging him as viciously as you are out of ignorance.
 
How come there is a general sentiment in here of "go ahead, go off and try to sleep with thousands of women, it's probably harder than you think. And the ones you do smash are gonna be used up dirty whores who will make you miserable and your alcohol dependency will increase as a result."

Don't get me wrong, from the original post, sounds like this guy is pretty selfish and short-sighted. But, how can you rule out the possibility that he might in fact be banging incredibly interesting super models if it weren't for the hole he dug himself into?

Now, let's say hypothetically that was the case...he is an incredibly handsome and charming man who would go on to bed beautiful and incredibly interesting women around the world...and potentially find one much more compatible with him than his current wife. Would you still condemn him for doing so? Could it be that you (those of you who shared in the aforementioned sentiments) choose to believe that an unfulfilling life of average women, STDs, and AA would be an inevitability in order to make yourself feel better about your decision to lead a life of monogamy?

Just sayin.
 
Dude, here below is your 5 steps to happiness:

1. Leave... face the tears, they'll stop soon enough..
2. Make money on the internet...
3. Move to Pattaya...
4. Drink and bang the hottest chicks in the world
5. Repeat step 4 at least 4 times a week

:drinkup:

To all those saying the OP is selfish, whatever...you can drop off the perch any tick of the clock.. you gotta be happy every day or what's the point.
 
Lord B said:
Woman will always defend it... as will pussy-whipped men. ;) When in doubt, look how primal men did it....
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I see nothing wrong with multiple partners from an ethical stand point, only from a mental health vantage point. You try to maintain a polygamous lifestyle, at least in this culture, and you're going to fuck yourself in the head by the end. Look at swingers...rarely are they able to maintain their relationships without imploding. And they're open and honest about their multiple partners, no monogamy there. Why? Because it's really not natural for a complex animal like the human. We are selfish, exclusive creatures and we don't want to share. I'm surprised you wouldn't want to be the top/only guy in your girl's life, Lord.

But you're probably right, the primal homos like the Neanderthals probably didn't have as much issues with it although I'm having a hard time understanding why you would think comparing yourself to primal/stupider males is a good thing?

edit: and btw this guy needs to ditch his wife and go bang a thousand women. It sounds like he'd be doing her a favor.

edit2: I just emailed my husband and asked him if he thought he was pussy whipped. His reply: "only if you think so, honey"
 
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Because it's enjoyable, turbo.

It's like driving a different car every day. Opening new presents every day.

Spending time with a different girl, experiencing a different mind, a different body has a powerful novelty factor. The unpredictability, the spontaneity, the non-repetitiveness. This is completely aside from all the moral judgement, but it's true nonetheless.
 
^yeah but she's right when she says that we want to be the only guy in our girls' lives. That's the main difference we have with more primitive humans and other animals.

That's why ancient Arabs had the best system: Harems. You get 25 women, they get only you. :cool2:
 
Ar Scion said:
You sound very judgmental towards him.

You know if you just flipped genders, you would have a Hollywood movie called Eat Pray Love right?

There might be a lot of people chastising him here, but nobody here is in denial of the sacrifices involved in a marriage for men. And there's nobody here who's in denial of the fact that the life he describes he'd rather have is something all men would rather have than be married.

I can't blame you for not understanding how guys think.

But I can let you know that you don't understand the thought process and experience of a man and you're judging him as viciously as you are out of ignorance.
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I WAS judgmental toward him, but intentionally so. I was having a bit of fun with the same bag of stereotypes that y'all like to throw around as if they are facts.

Point in fact:

"There might be a lot of people chastising him here, but nobody here is in denial of the sacrifices involved in a marriage for men. "

It's a shame women don't have to sacrifice anything in marriage like the men do. :eek7:

Interesting how well men know the way women think, but we (especially those of us who have spent oodles of time in Army barracks, are married to men who've run porn sites, who have worked successfully online in a heavily e-peen industry for seven years, and who still work daily with delinquent teenage boys the same age as half of these posters) don't have a clue how men think.

I was having fun in that particular post at the expense of all the testosterone in the room - and I still am, I'll readily admit. That's what Shooting the Shit is all about, right?

P.S. I didn't like Eat, Pray, Love either. I dislike weak adults on principal, and she was not a loveable character by any stretch.
 
InternetAuthor said:
I WAS judgmental toward him, but intentionally so. I was having a bit of fun with the same bag of stereotypes that y'all like to throw around as if they are facts.

Point in fact:

"There might be a lot of people chastising him here, but nobody here is in denial of the sacrifices involved in a marriage for men. "

It's a shame women don't have to sacrifice anything in marriage like the men do. :eek7:

Interesting how well men know the way women think, but we (especially those of us who have spent oodles of time in Army barracks, are married to men who've run porn sites, who have worked successfully online in a heavily e-peen industry for seven years, and who still work daily with delinquent teenage boys the same age as half of these posters) don't have a clue how men think.

I was having fun in that particular post at the expense of all the testosterone in the room - and I still am, I'll readily admit. That's what Shooting the Shit is all about, right?

P.S. I didn't like Eat, Pray, Love either. I dislike weak adults on principal, and she was not a loveable character by any stretch.
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Why do women push and prod guys to get married if marriage is such a sacrifice for them?

I mean really, on one side you want to get married, and on the other you want to claim martyrdom within marriage too?

You have to be a little astute to make these kinds of observations, that for example, most men aren't in a rush to get married while their partners are. Rushing to make a sacrifice, are we?

To most guys, playing the field is exciting, while to most girls, commitment is where it's at. Most girls fantasize about weddings for hours on end, while most guys...well, if you find a guy that fantasizes about his wedding day, call the circus.

The least you can do is stop whining and admit that marriage is a dream come true for women and the fact that there's a dozen or so industries out there dedicated to monetizing wedding fantasies for women means marriage isn't torture, and women who find a reason to complain about their wedding fantasies coming true are the most annoying whiners out of them all.

You're probably gonna nitpick about generalizations at this point, but let's face it. Deep down you know I'm still right.
 
We could go on and on about cultural norms and marketing, but despite your generalizations, I'm sure - deep down - you can agree that it's not a cake walk for either party in a marriage - especially one where a man-child seeks approval to cheat on his allegedly perfect, loving wife.

I'm not trying to tip the balance in favor of women - there is no perfect gender, or one who is more "martyred" than the other. I'm just painting with a wide brush to contrast with and show just how widely others here have painted. What's amusing is how defensive a few people have become when that particular brush is in the other (smaller) hand.
 
Barring physical abuse or neglect, marriage is a cakewalk for most girls.

It's just that they can't let go of the martyrdom complex. Dying to get married, claim they are suffering in marriage. Dying to have a kid, complaining for years about the pain they went through having a kid. Dying to have a man provide for them, complaining that they don't have any independence.

I wonder if there's a term for women like this.
 
Ar Scion said:
Barring physical abuse or neglect, marriage is a cakewalk for most girls.

It's just that they can't let go of the martyrdom complex. Dying to get married, claim they are suffering in marriage. Dying to have a kid, complaining for years about the pain they went through having a kid. Dying to have a man provide for them, complaining that they don't have any independence.

I wonder if there's a term for women like this.
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Hm. I don't know very many like this - I'm assuming I run in far different circles. I would probably call them irritating.

See? If you'd said "irritating women" instead of "women" I'd have left well enough alone. It's a much more narrow and descriptive phrase - a lot of us are just as irritated by whiny women (and men) as you are, regardless of plumbing.
 
avatar33 said:
That's why ancient Arabs had the best system: Harems. You get 25 women, they get only you. :cool2:
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Actually, harems were originally based around all of the women a man was responsible for. Responsible for their safety and material well being. It included sisters, mothers, wives etc.
 
InternetAuthor said:
Hm. I don't know very many like this - I'm assuming I run in far different circles. I would probably call them irritating.

See? If you'd said "irritating women" instead of "women" I'd have left well enough alone. It's a much more narrow and descriptive phrase - a lot of us are just as irritated by whiny women (and men) as you are, regardless of plumbing.
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you've been whining this whole thread.

i guess it doesn't help that i've been reading your posts with Peggy Bundy narrating in my head.
 
kingofsp said:
How come there is a general sentiment in here of "go ahead, go off and try to sleep with thousands of women, it's probably harder than you think. And the ones you do smash are gonna be used up dirty whores who will make you miserable and your alcohol dependency will increase as a result."

Don't get me wrong, from the original post, sounds like this guy is pretty selfish and short-sighted. But, how can you rule out the possibility that he might in fact be banging incredibly interesting super models if it weren't for the hole he dug himself into?

Now, let's say hypothetically that was the case...he is an incredibly handsome and charming man who would go on to bed beautiful and incredibly interesting women around the world...and potentially find one much more compatible with him than his current wife. Would you still condemn him for doing so? Could it be that you (those of you who shared in the aforementioned sentiments) choose to believe that an unfulfilling life of average women, STDs, and AA would be an inevitability in order to make yourself feel better about your decision to lead a life of monogamy?

Just sayin.
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Man-clapping.gif
 
Ar Scion said:
Because it's enjoyable, turbo.

It's like driving a different car every day. Opening new presents every day.

Spending time with a different girl, experiencing a different mind, a different body has a powerful novelty factor. The unpredictability, the spontaneity, the non-repetitiveness. This is completely aside from all the moral judgement, but it's true nonetheless.
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This is fine if you're not interested in, or capable of, emotional attachments. I'm not making a value judgment. Live your life in a way which makes you happy, and doesn't interfere with my happiness.

But don't for a minute pretend that those values you stated are universal. Some men enjoy being fathers and husbands. Some of them love caring for their parents, and extended family. Some of them have relationships with women that are more than sex, convenience and consumption.

Long lasting relationships aren't for everyone, but without them, we wouldn't be here to have this discussion, because the human race didn't evolve by avoiding emotional, familial, religious, legal, marital and cultural commitments.
 
guerilla said:
This is fine if you're not interested in, or capable of, emotional attachments. I'm not making a value judgment. Live your life in a way which makes you happy, and doesn't interfere with my happiness.

But don't for a minute pretend that those values you stated are universal. Some men enjoy being fathers and husbands. Some of them love caring for their parents, and extended family. Some of them have relationships with women that are more than sex, convenience and consumption.

Long lasting relationships aren't for everyone, but without them, we wouldn't be here to have this discussion, because the human race didn't evolve by avoiding emotional, familial, religious, legal, marital and cultural commitments.
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You're certainly right about that.

The enjoyment I'm talking about is more basic. More instinctive. Freud's Id.

In an ideal situation I think every man would want to be a father and husband. But we just don't live in that utopia, and we have ourselves to thank for that.

Women wanted to be liberated from the role of mothers and wives. And now men want to be liberated from the role of fathers and husbands.
 
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