I Fucking Hate Valentines Day

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ChrisS

ChrisS

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Jul 10, 2006
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Alright. I really didn't want to do this, but in the tradition of http://www.wickedfire.com/shooting-shit/46121-i-fucking-hate-christmas.html It's time to give that tawdry, worthless date we call Valentines day a good verbal assfucking.

The following is one of the many brain-dead radio commercials I heard on my otherwise pleasant drive today.

“Ok, guys we all know what’s coming up…Valentines Day! Don’t disappoint her like you did last year. Make her eyes light up with the package gift of jewelry and roses from blah blah blah. …Because you know that if she’s happy, then everyone stays happy!"

How. Fucking. Insulting.

But that stupid commercial perfectly illustrates everything wrong with Valentines day. It’s a holiday that’s constructed to make a few people rich and everyone else feel pressured, unsatisfied and inadequate.

“What are you doing for Valentines day” chant the mindless robots everywhere in their high-pitched, grating voices.

Well I’ll tell you what I’m NOT doing. I’m not buying a little heart packed with toothpaste filled chocolates. And I’m not buying a mass-processed, white teddy bear holding a heart. And I’m not spending $89.95 on a dozen moth-eaten roses that will die promptly.

Don’t even get me started on greeting cards. How about $11.95 for some shitty piece of paper that has some vomit-inducing saying like:

"Soft and beautiful as rose petals, your love fills my life with joy."

Who comes up with this shit? Mr. Rogers on Ecstasy? How about something awesome like:

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I want to fuck you with a rake.

…Maybe then I would buy your stupid fucking cards, Hallmark.

You know what I like to do on Saturday? I like to go to my favorite restaurant and enjoy a fine glass of Cabernet whilst I munch on a perfectly seared ribeye and calculate how close I am to buying a yacht.

Will I be able to do that this Saturday? FUCK NO. Why? Because Charlie the Construction worker and everyone he knows is firmly expected to spend a third of their paycheck to take the missus out on a “real date” on this oh so special day. Yay. Go Charlie. Maybe tonight will be your once-a-month, missionary position lay.

Remember how I said that Christmas makes poor people feel worse? Well that pales in comparison to Valentines day.

All across the country, sad, single fatties in XXL gray jogging pants will be slumped on their couches eating tablespoonfuls of chalky, acai berry powder as it clumps from the tears streaming down their pudgy faces. Yes, fatty. No one will ever love you again. You can thank Valentines day for reminding you.

Don’t even think that I’m dissing the ladies. Every chick I know hates Valentines day. YOU CAN’T FORCE ROMANCE. Period. A random gift or trip on a Wednesday after work is worth more than a million fucking Valentine’s presents.

But just in case you guys still want to send a card, I have conveniently provided you one below.

thinking_of_you.gif


Happy Fucking Valentines Day!
 
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Roflmao great animation.

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I want to fuck you with a rake.
Click to expand...
Does your girlfriend have any self esteem to hang around you? A girl has to be either stupid, or brain dead to go out with a guy who only sees her as an item.

Stop thinking with your dick, use your brain.

Good luck with your divorce buddy.
 
Alright, alright - Leave Chris alone.

Valentine's Day does suck. The chocolate is always stale and the flowers are more expensive this time of year than anything else. Plus they've been sitting around for days, so they die in a matter of hours.

We're such romantics at my house, I told my DH (dear hubby for those not up with the Mommy lingo) that I wanted a new domain for V-day and the gift of labor. He'll go ahead and get it set up with Wordpress for me. Most romantic.

If your girl is drooling over V-day, it's likely because she doesn't have enough attention the rest of the time. Or she's 13 - a very real possibility from some of the threads, I've seen around here. :)

If you really want to wow your chick, get some nice paper and write her a love letter Include real emotions and such and you'll be golden. I'd leave out any mention of fish or rakes, however.

It is the time and depth of thought that makes a gift special. This is why the best gifts are almost always free.
 
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Are you serious???

I love valentines day when I was single... it was the easiest time to meet girls possible. I would roll in with a bag of those nasty candies with stupid shit on them and make every girl feel like she was "special" and a few would return the favor.

Now that I have a steady GF valentines is still awesome as long as you ignore the BS chocolate and restaurant and do something fun (in the bedroom) or a road trip.
 
InternetAuthor said:
Alright, alright - Leave Chris alone.

Valentine's Day does suck. The chocolate is always stale and the flowers are more expensive this time of year than anything else. Plus they've been sitting around for days, so they die in a matter of hours.

If your girl is drooling over V-day, it's likely because she doesn't have enough attention the rest of the time. Or she's 13 - a very real possibility from some of the threads, I've seen around here. :)
Click to expand...

HAH! From a real live girl too, you pussies.

luv u rebecca!
 
My girl called me this afternoon and wanted to know if it would be okay to skip the whole dinner and a movie thing on Saturday and instead go to a hockey game since somebody at work spiffed her some tickets on the glass. I told her I was disappointed that we weren't going to go see "He's just that into you" but I'd tough it out for her.
 
ChrisS said:
Alright. I really didn't want to do this, but in the tradition of http://www.wickedfire.com/shooting-shit/46121-i-fucking-hate-christmas.html It's time to give that tawdry, worthless date we call Valentines day a good verbal assfucking.

The following is one of the many brain-dead radio commercials I heard on my otherwise pleasant drive today.

“Ok, guys we all know what’s coming up…Valentines Day! Don’t disappoint her like you did last year. Make her eyes light up with the package gift of jewelry and roses from blah blah blah. …Because you know that if she’s happy, then everyone stays happy!"

How. Fucking. Insulting.

But that stupid commercial perfectly illustrates everything wrong with Valentines day. It’s a holiday that’s constructed to make a few people rich and everyone else feel pressured, unsatisfied and inadequate.

“What are you doing for Valentines day” chant the mindless robots everywhere in their high-pitched, grating voices.

Well I’ll tell you what I’m NOT doing. I’m not buying a little heart packed with toothpaste filled chocolates. And I’m not buying a mass-processed, white teddy bear holding a heart. And I’m not spending $89.95 on a dozen moth-eaten roses that will die promptly.

Don’t even get me started on greeting cards. How about $11.95 for some shitty piece of paper that has some vomit-inducing saying like:

"Soft and beautiful as rose petals, your love fills my life with joy."

Who comes up with this shit? Mr. Rogers on Ecstasy? How about something awesome like:

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I want to fuck you with a rake.

…Maybe then I would buy your stupid fucking cards, Hallmark.

You know what I like to do on Saturday? I like to go to my favorite restaurant and enjoy a fine glass of Cabernet whilst I munch on a perfectly seared ribeye and calculate how close I am to buying a yacht.

Will I be able to do that this Saturday? FUCK NO. Why? Because Charlie the Construction worker and everyone he knows is firmly expected to spend a third of their paycheck to take the missus out on a “real date” on this oh so special day. Yay. Go Charlie. Maybe tonight will be your once-a-month, missionary position lay.

Remember how I said that Christmas makes poor people feel worse? Well that pales in comparison to Valentines day.

All across the country, sad, single fatties in XXL gray jogging pants will be slumped on their couches eating tablespoonfuls of chalky, acai berry powder as it clumps from the tears streaming down their pudgy faces. Yes, fatty. No one will ever love you again. You can thank Valentines day for reminding you.

Don’t even think that I’m dissing the ladies. Every chick I know hates Valentines day. YOU CAN’T FORCE ROMANCE. Period. A random gift or trip on a Wednesday after work is worth more than a million fucking Valentine’s presents.

But just in case you guys still want to send a card, I have conveniently provided you one below.

thinking_of_you.gif


Happy Fucking Valentines Day!
Click to expand...


Word!
 
ChrisS said:
OMG you brainwashed assholes :D

Turbo, back me up here.
Click to expand...

Hell yeah! Get me flowers every OTHER fucking day of the year because I fucking rock and you should be so lucky to have me. But don't you dare do it on Valentine's day because Hallmark told you to- you fuckin sheep!!!

Something like that?

(Oh and I love Valentines days cause my AM sales kick a$$)
 
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWuGJBnfdPI]YouTube - Hate Poem- Valentines Day[/ame]
 
ChrisS said:
Remember how I said that Christmas makes poor people feel worse? Well that pales in comparison to Valentines day.

All across the country, sad, single fatties in XXL gray jogging pants will be slumped on their couches eating tablespoonfuls of chalky, acai berry powder as it clumps from the tears streaming down their pudgy faces. Yes, fatty. No one will ever love you again. You can thank Valentines day for reminding you.
Click to expand...
bahahahahahaha
 
turbolapp said:
Hell yeah! Get me flowers every OTHER fucking day of the year because I fucking rock and you should be so lucky to have me. But don't you dare do it on Valentine's day because Hallmark told you to- you fuckin sheep!!!

Something like that?

(Oh and I love Valentines days cause my AM sales kick a$$)
Click to expand...

Gents, that's a keeper. Take notice.
 
Germz said:
Roflmao great animation.


Does your girlfriend have any self esteem to hang around you? A girl has to be either stupid, or brain dead to go out with a guy who only sees her as an item.

Stop thinking with your dick, use your brain.

Good luck with your divorce buddy.
Click to expand...

Pussy.
 
Since Valentines Day is a national holiday -- a collective activity -- everyone should gather in the town square and start fucking. Share the love, fuck the hallmark cards.
 
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